This was question posed to me by my 3-year old daughter not too long ago.
It took me by surprise and it really required some thought.
Of course, the "automated" response would be, "I like you all the time.
" But, every mother of a 3-year old knows that is simply NOT an honest answer.
I got to thinking...
there isn't anybody I know very well that I like ALL the time whether it be my children, parents, sisters, friends, or neighbors..
..
and certainly not my spouse considering he has divorce proceedings pending against me.
The people we do like all the time are the people we don't see very often.
At least that is reality as it stands now here in the year 2008.
Just think about when you first meet someone and fall in love.
Are you really falling in love with them? I think what you are falling in love with is the fantasy of who you think they are.
Love at first sight? Honestly, that is pretty superficial.
Love to me is not a whimsical word.
It is a word that requires courage, strength and most importantly, vulnerability.
So I took a couple of minutes to think about my daughter's question and finally I told her, "I like you when you are behaving well but I love you all the time.
" But, a better response probably would have been, "sometimes I like your behavior and sometimes I dislike your behavior but I love you all the time.
" I think the same holds true for my parents, sisters, friends, neighbors and even my husband.
Actually...
especially my husband.
Both of us have brought our own "bad behavior" to the table.
I am hopeful that we will take control of our "bad behavior," and start raising our daughters properly together as partners.
Divorce does not solve anything.
It only makes everything worse at least in most instances.
This evening actually I exhibited some pretty "bad behavior.
" In addition to my 3-year old, I have a 5-year old daughter as well.
They choose 2 or 3 books each, crawl up into bed with me and I read to them.
This evening my 5-year old opened up all the books, got up and walked on top of them and then she sat down and started flipping the pages of another book while I was trying to read.
I asked her several times to please close the book and sit quietly while I was reading.
She did not listen to me.
I declared to her, "you are being rude!" and I grabbed the book out of her hands and threw it across the room.
Now, who was being "rude?" I'm the parent.
That was very "bad behavior" on my part and I made my daughter cry.
She is only 5.
I'm 40.
I should have learned by now how not to be "rude.
" If she had grabbed a book out of her sister's hand and threw it across the room, I probably would have put her in time-out.
I should have put her in time-out when she refused to listen to me after several times requesting she close the book.
But, it was a whole lot easier to grab the book and throw it across the room than it was to put her in time-out.
I tucked my daughter into bed tonight.
I told her I loved her, kissed her good night, and said, "just like it's not okay for you to grab something out of your sister's hands, it was not okay for mommy to grab that book out of your hands, I'm sorry.
" She said, "okay mommy.
" Parenting is really difficult but, the more we are able to take control of our own behavior and set an example for our children, the better behavior they will have.
At least I know what I'm working on and tomorrow is another day.
It is my dream that someday my great great great great grandchild will ask her mother, "mommy when do you like me?" and her mother will reply honestly, "I like you all the time.
"
It took me by surprise and it really required some thought.
Of course, the "automated" response would be, "I like you all the time.
" But, every mother of a 3-year old knows that is simply NOT an honest answer.
I got to thinking...
there isn't anybody I know very well that I like ALL the time whether it be my children, parents, sisters, friends, or neighbors..
..
and certainly not my spouse considering he has divorce proceedings pending against me.
The people we do like all the time are the people we don't see very often.
At least that is reality as it stands now here in the year 2008.
Just think about when you first meet someone and fall in love.
Are you really falling in love with them? I think what you are falling in love with is the fantasy of who you think they are.
Love at first sight? Honestly, that is pretty superficial.
Love to me is not a whimsical word.
It is a word that requires courage, strength and most importantly, vulnerability.
So I took a couple of minutes to think about my daughter's question and finally I told her, "I like you when you are behaving well but I love you all the time.
" But, a better response probably would have been, "sometimes I like your behavior and sometimes I dislike your behavior but I love you all the time.
" I think the same holds true for my parents, sisters, friends, neighbors and even my husband.
Actually...
especially my husband.
Both of us have brought our own "bad behavior" to the table.
I am hopeful that we will take control of our "bad behavior," and start raising our daughters properly together as partners.
Divorce does not solve anything.
It only makes everything worse at least in most instances.
This evening actually I exhibited some pretty "bad behavior.
" In addition to my 3-year old, I have a 5-year old daughter as well.
They choose 2 or 3 books each, crawl up into bed with me and I read to them.
This evening my 5-year old opened up all the books, got up and walked on top of them and then she sat down and started flipping the pages of another book while I was trying to read.
I asked her several times to please close the book and sit quietly while I was reading.
She did not listen to me.
I declared to her, "you are being rude!" and I grabbed the book out of her hands and threw it across the room.
Now, who was being "rude?" I'm the parent.
That was very "bad behavior" on my part and I made my daughter cry.
She is only 5.
I'm 40.
I should have learned by now how not to be "rude.
" If she had grabbed a book out of her sister's hand and threw it across the room, I probably would have put her in time-out.
I should have put her in time-out when she refused to listen to me after several times requesting she close the book.
But, it was a whole lot easier to grab the book and throw it across the room than it was to put her in time-out.
I tucked my daughter into bed tonight.
I told her I loved her, kissed her good night, and said, "just like it's not okay for you to grab something out of your sister's hands, it was not okay for mommy to grab that book out of your hands, I'm sorry.
" She said, "okay mommy.
" Parenting is really difficult but, the more we are able to take control of our own behavior and set an example for our children, the better behavior they will have.
At least I know what I'm working on and tomorrow is another day.
It is my dream that someday my great great great great grandchild will ask her mother, "mommy when do you like me?" and her mother will reply honestly, "I like you all the time.
"