Caregiving is one of the most demanding roles anyone can undertake.
If you are performing as caregiver now or you know you will be in the near future, there are some techniques you may find useful.
Whether you are caregiver to an aging parent, spouse, sibling or any loved one, many emotions will be the same.
Frustration and anger will rear up its ugly persona.
Even if you think you are as good-natured as they come, think again.
This is natural.
Don't let the guilt of these emotions overwhelm you when they happen.
Just keep saying over and over, "I'm not a bad person.
This is normal.
I'll get through it.
" My mother depended on me for many years.
She was caregiver to my father for many years so I got to see first hand what I would be doing in the future.
At first it was more psychological dependence.
In the last year of her life, she was like my little child.
Mom resided with me for more years than I care to admit.
Maybe I've actually forgotten.
As you may know, living with someone is a whole lot different than caregiving at a distance.
Add to that the mother-daughter dynamics and you are sitting on the proverbial powder keg at times.
We went from me getting her fixed up to go out when she was mobile to informing her the time had come for the adult diapers.
Emotions ranged from envy.
(She looked better than me when out socializing! Heck, there wasn't time left over for me to primp.
) To anger.
At her.
At myself.
At life.
Then back to sadness and depression.
For the both of us.
In the final years, I'd finally figured it out.
Duh! Whatever negative emotion I was feeling, I'd take a deep breath.
Yes, it really does work.
Then I would look at my mother objectively.
I'd remember the pictures of her taken as a child and young woman.
And, I'd simply put myself in her shoes.
This woman once skipped across the hayfield.
Played with her siblings.
Giggled at silly things.
She grew up.
Married.
Was a dedicated wife.
Adopted me.
And put up with my teenage years.
Sure, we had problems.
I've never known a family without dysfunction.
Then I'd look at this little old lady and see her soul.
Her aged body turned against her but her soul was still that of the newborn baby brought into this world where she endured many difficult years.
I know it's hard.
There are times you think your aging parent will send you off the deep end.
But, stop and remember them.
The way they were.
They did not want this.
My Mom used to say, "Oh, to be 70 again!" When I would cringe when "wiping her bottom", I'd remember the hard-working, energetic woman who always took care of others.
Try that experiment when your emotions are doing you in.
I know it's easy for me to say.
Now.
Mom died last year.
And I miss her terribly.
I want to hug her again.
Go hug your aging parent.
And remember the good times...
(c) 2007 Karen Cook
If you are performing as caregiver now or you know you will be in the near future, there are some techniques you may find useful.
Whether you are caregiver to an aging parent, spouse, sibling or any loved one, many emotions will be the same.
Frustration and anger will rear up its ugly persona.
Even if you think you are as good-natured as they come, think again.
This is natural.
Don't let the guilt of these emotions overwhelm you when they happen.
Just keep saying over and over, "I'm not a bad person.
This is normal.
I'll get through it.
" My mother depended on me for many years.
She was caregiver to my father for many years so I got to see first hand what I would be doing in the future.
At first it was more psychological dependence.
In the last year of her life, she was like my little child.
Mom resided with me for more years than I care to admit.
Maybe I've actually forgotten.
As you may know, living with someone is a whole lot different than caregiving at a distance.
Add to that the mother-daughter dynamics and you are sitting on the proverbial powder keg at times.
We went from me getting her fixed up to go out when she was mobile to informing her the time had come for the adult diapers.
Emotions ranged from envy.
(She looked better than me when out socializing! Heck, there wasn't time left over for me to primp.
) To anger.
At her.
At myself.
At life.
Then back to sadness and depression.
For the both of us.
In the final years, I'd finally figured it out.
Duh! Whatever negative emotion I was feeling, I'd take a deep breath.
Yes, it really does work.
Then I would look at my mother objectively.
I'd remember the pictures of her taken as a child and young woman.
And, I'd simply put myself in her shoes.
This woman once skipped across the hayfield.
Played with her siblings.
Giggled at silly things.
She grew up.
Married.
Was a dedicated wife.
Adopted me.
And put up with my teenage years.
Sure, we had problems.
I've never known a family without dysfunction.
Then I'd look at this little old lady and see her soul.
Her aged body turned against her but her soul was still that of the newborn baby brought into this world where she endured many difficult years.
I know it's hard.
There are times you think your aging parent will send you off the deep end.
But, stop and remember them.
The way they were.
They did not want this.
My Mom used to say, "Oh, to be 70 again!" When I would cringe when "wiping her bottom", I'd remember the hard-working, energetic woman who always took care of others.
Try that experiment when your emotions are doing you in.
I know it's easy for me to say.
Now.
Mom died last year.
And I miss her terribly.
I want to hug her again.
Go hug your aging parent.
And remember the good times...
(c) 2007 Karen Cook