Help! My Kid Is a Jerk!
Why they do it: They're upset you didn't say yes.
What you can do: Negotiation between parents and kids is normal. But it's different from whining and begging. If you say "no" to your kid's request, he should learn how to deal with his disappointment. Carter suggests that parents be firm when something isn't open to discussion. How do you do that? Tell your child not to ask again. "You have the ability to say 'no' and not negotiate," Carter says.
Why they do it: They need help with something.
What you can do: A kid who is rude or mean to others might be angry about something else. Kids are famous for shifting their feelings, Carter says. He may act badly because he's lonely or is struggling with schoolwork. Or he could be picking up on stress at home. Do some digging. "I think the best thing parents can do is check with their kids and say, 'Is something bothering you?'" Kenefick says. Follow up with your child's teacher as well.
When should you get help?
"To some extent, we do expect at least some of these behaviors" in all of our kids, Kenefick says. "The question is, do the behaviors interfere with the kid's functioning?" If he's getting in trouble, getting bad grades, having trouble with friends, or acting out at home, get help. Talk to a therapist, parent coach, or school counselor.
"I think you want to seek outside help if you are not able to make any progress on your own," Carter says. "We're trying to prevent [the kid's] behaviors from becoming habits."
Even if your kid isn't a jerk -- and he probably isn't -- he may still have a problem. Keep an eye out if he seems sad or quiet or has trouble sleeping.
"It's easier to pay attention to the kid who is acting out. Parents do sometimes overlook the kids who are quiet," Kenefick says. "They could be in as much distress."
Help! My Kid Is a Jerk!
They beg or won't take no for an answer.
Why they do it: They're upset you didn't say yes.
What you can do: Negotiation between parents and kids is normal. But it's different from whining and begging. If you say "no" to your kid's request, he should learn how to deal with his disappointment. Carter suggests that parents be firm when something isn't open to discussion. How do you do that? Tell your child not to ask again. "You have the ability to say 'no' and not negotiate," Carter says.
They're rude or mean to other people.
Why they do it: They need help with something.
What you can do: A kid who is rude or mean to others might be angry about something else. Kids are famous for shifting their feelings, Carter says. He may act badly because he's lonely or is struggling with schoolwork. Or he could be picking up on stress at home. Do some digging. "I think the best thing parents can do is check with their kids and say, 'Is something bothering you?'" Kenefick says. Follow up with your child's teacher as well.
When should you get help?
"To some extent, we do expect at least some of these behaviors" in all of our kids, Kenefick says. "The question is, do the behaviors interfere with the kid's functioning?" If he's getting in trouble, getting bad grades, having trouble with friends, or acting out at home, get help. Talk to a therapist, parent coach, or school counselor.
"I think you want to seek outside help if you are not able to make any progress on your own," Carter says. "We're trying to prevent [the kid's] behaviors from becoming habits."
Even if your kid isn't a jerk -- and he probably isn't -- he may still have a problem. Keep an eye out if he seems sad or quiet or has trouble sleeping.
"It's easier to pay attention to the kid who is acting out. Parents do sometimes overlook the kids who are quiet," Kenefick says. "They could be in as much distress."