When the Diagnosis is Serious
May 1, 2000 (Berkeley, Calif.) -- When physician Wendy Schlessel Harpham went to the hospital with severe back and leg pain in the fall of 1990, she faced a devastating diagnosis: non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, a cancer of the lymph system.
A few hours later when Harpham's husband Ted returned home from the hospital, he, too, faced a difficult situation: what to tell the couple's three young children, who were then 6, 4, and not yet 2 years old, about their mother's illness, sudden hospitalization, and absence.
Bedwetting: What Causes It?
Waking in the middle of the night to change your child's sheets after a bedwetting episode is practically a rite of passage for parents. And it's more common than you think."I call it the hidden problem of childhood," says Howard Bennett, MD, a pediatrician and author of Waking Up Dry: A Guide to Help Children Overcome Bedwetting. "Unlike asthma or allergies, it's just not talked about outside the house."
Read the Bedwetting: What Causes It? article > >
When parents fall ill -- if only with a bad cold, the flu, or a strained back -- caring for young children becomes challenging. A serious illness, however, presents not only the practical dilemma of how to keep the day-to-day logistics going, but a host of psychological challenges, as well. What should you tell the children? When do you tell them, and how much?
The Harphams told their children the truth right from the beginning. In the book she subsequently wrote, When a Parent Has Cancer: A Guide to Caring for Your Children (HarperCollins, 1997), Harpham emphasizes that telling the truth is necessary "to establish and maintain a bond of trust."
"Your sons and daughters need to be able to believe you, their parents, in order to grow up into adults who, in turn, can trust others," she says. "With the added stress and uncertainty of your illness, being unfailingly honest gives your children assurance in a sea of uncertainty." Her book comes with a companion volume for children and provides resources along with detailed information and an inspiring message.
Those who work closely with children agree that telling them the truth as soon as possible is crucial. Marlene Wilson is program coordinator for Kids Can Cope, a Kaiser Permanente-sponsored program designed to support children through the "life stress" of a parent's serious illness. Children from 3-1/2 to 19 meet weekly in groups of about 10, often for periods up to six months or a year. Through activities and play, a therapist helps children open up about their feelings. And when one child does, it often stimulates the others to share similar thoughts or feelings. But Wilson does not allow children to participate in the program unless they have been told the truth about their parent's illness.
A few hours later when Harpham's husband Ted returned home from the hospital, he, too, faced a difficult situation: what to tell the couple's three young children, who were then 6, 4, and not yet 2 years old, about their mother's illness, sudden hospitalization, and absence.
Recommended Related to Children
Bedwetting: What Causes It?
Waking in the middle of the night to change your child's sheets after a bedwetting episode is practically a rite of passage for parents. And it's more common than you think."I call it the hidden problem of childhood," says Howard Bennett, MD, a pediatrician and author of Waking Up Dry: A Guide to Help Children Overcome Bedwetting. "Unlike asthma or allergies, it's just not talked about outside the house."
Read the Bedwetting: What Causes It? article > >
When parents fall ill -- if only with a bad cold, the flu, or a strained back -- caring for young children becomes challenging. A serious illness, however, presents not only the practical dilemma of how to keep the day-to-day logistics going, but a host of psychological challenges, as well. What should you tell the children? When do you tell them, and how much?
The Harphams told their children the truth right from the beginning. In the book she subsequently wrote, When a Parent Has Cancer: A Guide to Caring for Your Children (HarperCollins, 1997), Harpham emphasizes that telling the truth is necessary "to establish and maintain a bond of trust."
"Your sons and daughters need to be able to believe you, their parents, in order to grow up into adults who, in turn, can trust others," she says. "With the added stress and uncertainty of your illness, being unfailingly honest gives your children assurance in a sea of uncertainty." Her book comes with a companion volume for children and provides resources along with detailed information and an inspiring message.
Telling the Truth
Those who work closely with children agree that telling them the truth as soon as possible is crucial. Marlene Wilson is program coordinator for Kids Can Cope, a Kaiser Permanente-sponsored program designed to support children through the "life stress" of a parent's serious illness. Children from 3-1/2 to 19 meet weekly in groups of about 10, often for periods up to six months or a year. Through activities and play, a therapist helps children open up about their feelings. And when one child does, it often stimulates the others to share similar thoughts or feelings. But Wilson does not allow children to participate in the program unless they have been told the truth about their parent's illness.