Women are genetically programmed to look after everybody - we are the nurturers and the care-givers within society.
Women are extremely intuitive; we can sense people's needs even before they do.
We know when a friend is hurting.
We know when our baby is about to cry.
We know when our partner is annoyed.
If someone sneezes, we may bless them.
If someone is angry we may offer a smile.
We do what we can to make everybody happy.
Women are extremely supportive of their loved ones and we just love to love.
The problem here is that when we as women make pleasing others our main priority, we do this by sacrificing who we are.
We forget to take care of ourselves.
We fail to remember that our lives are just as important because we fear our loved ones will resent us if we take time out for ourselves.
Our needs tend to come last.
We are trained from the time we are young girls that to be a loving person means to take everyone's feelings into account.
No father will ever say to his daughter, as he would his son, "Go out there and kick butt sugar, make them all seem like nothing compared to you.
" Instead we are told to be kind, to share, to empathize, to apologize, and to forgive.
These are good deeds.
It would be nice if men would learn more of these actions, and in all fairness some men are extremely adept at performing these behaviours.
As women however, we perform these too much.
We give when we should insist on receiving.
We excuse others when we should state our ultimatum.
We ask for forgiveness when we should insist on an apology.
When women are performing these behaviours in the examples above; we are not being authentic, we are not speaking our truth and we do not love ourselves enough.
For women, taking time out for ourselves is a matter of psychological and spiritual survival.
If we don't do this, we will be sucked dry by everyone and everything that needs us.
We need to create time to simply give to ourselves only, and not anyone else.
It is a deep act of caring for ourselves as women.
To confess the absolute truth - we are not good at this.
Women are uncomfortable doing things just for themselves.
We feel guilty.
We feel as though we are abandoning everyone, and so feel the need to apologize when we take care of ourselves.
The worst thing anyone can ever call a woman is selfish!Most of us would rather be called anything than that.
Call us a wimp, a pushover, a coward, a love addict, but don't call us selfish.
Selfish means we are not taking care of our loved ones needs.
Selfish means we only care for ourselves and selfish means we are not women.
When we are constantly giving to our families, partners, friends and the like, these people in our life have most likely come to depend on us.
They have been accustomed to receiving our free advice, emotional support, home cooked dinners, clean clothes and so on and so forth.
Therefore these people will not like it very much when we as women decided to take time out for ourselves.
They may express their discontentment or become irritated and grumpy.
Ignore them.
They will get used to our special private moments and come to understand and respect our needs and wants.
A few years ago, I made a big change in my life when I ended an unhappy relationship.
I stopped socializing and spent most of my free time focusing on my daughter and my work, study and my writing.
It was a time in my life where I needed to be myself and find out who I was.
I felt very selfish saying no to people, but this experience also taught me how to be assertive and learn to say no.
I'm sure I upset a few people during this time as I was not as easily available to people as I was before.
No-one has actually come to me and said "You selfish bitch!" "How dare you take time out for yourself!"But, I felt like people were thinking it.
So, how do I feel about it? Absolutely wonderful.
That time that I spent on my own self development and with my daughter would have to be one of the most wonderful gifts I have ever given myself.
Today as I am writing this article, I am in a position where I am totally alone, as my daughter has left home.
I have a wonderful, special man in my life, but he lives a long way from me.
Being alone does not bother me, as I know things are going along as they are meant to.
I am quite content to use the time I have to do things I have always wanted to do, like write a book, apply for jobs where my partner lives and plan my move there.
I am not focusing on any outcomes, just moving slowly towards what I want in life.
Nevertheless, if things were different and I was living with my partner and daughter, I would take time out for me.
I would take care of myself and my personal needs, as this is something that is really important to me.
Women need to tell their loved ones what it is they need and if they're loved ones don't like it, eventually they will come around.
My partner is always telling me to look after myself, do what makes me happy and to stop worrying about everyone else.
I whole-heartedly agree with him and I suggest that all women out there do the same.
Copyright 2005 Janelle Coulton I hope that you enjoyed this article and found it helpful.
As you can see I wrote it over two years ago and my life has changed in so many ways since then however, the message is still the same.
We as women, need to take care of our needs more.
For more articles like this one, visit: Jel's Self Help Page Endnote: Webmasters and site owners are welcome to use this article as content for their site, Please ensure that the articles, links and resource box remain as you found them.
Women are extremely intuitive; we can sense people's needs even before they do.
We know when a friend is hurting.
We know when our baby is about to cry.
We know when our partner is annoyed.
If someone sneezes, we may bless them.
If someone is angry we may offer a smile.
We do what we can to make everybody happy.
Women are extremely supportive of their loved ones and we just love to love.
The problem here is that when we as women make pleasing others our main priority, we do this by sacrificing who we are.
We forget to take care of ourselves.
We fail to remember that our lives are just as important because we fear our loved ones will resent us if we take time out for ourselves.
Our needs tend to come last.
We are trained from the time we are young girls that to be a loving person means to take everyone's feelings into account.
No father will ever say to his daughter, as he would his son, "Go out there and kick butt sugar, make them all seem like nothing compared to you.
" Instead we are told to be kind, to share, to empathize, to apologize, and to forgive.
These are good deeds.
It would be nice if men would learn more of these actions, and in all fairness some men are extremely adept at performing these behaviours.
As women however, we perform these too much.
We give when we should insist on receiving.
We excuse others when we should state our ultimatum.
We ask for forgiveness when we should insist on an apology.
When women are performing these behaviours in the examples above; we are not being authentic, we are not speaking our truth and we do not love ourselves enough.
For women, taking time out for ourselves is a matter of psychological and spiritual survival.
If we don't do this, we will be sucked dry by everyone and everything that needs us.
We need to create time to simply give to ourselves only, and not anyone else.
It is a deep act of caring for ourselves as women.
To confess the absolute truth - we are not good at this.
Women are uncomfortable doing things just for themselves.
We feel guilty.
We feel as though we are abandoning everyone, and so feel the need to apologize when we take care of ourselves.
The worst thing anyone can ever call a woman is selfish!Most of us would rather be called anything than that.
Call us a wimp, a pushover, a coward, a love addict, but don't call us selfish.
Selfish means we are not taking care of our loved ones needs.
Selfish means we only care for ourselves and selfish means we are not women.
When we are constantly giving to our families, partners, friends and the like, these people in our life have most likely come to depend on us.
They have been accustomed to receiving our free advice, emotional support, home cooked dinners, clean clothes and so on and so forth.
Therefore these people will not like it very much when we as women decided to take time out for ourselves.
They may express their discontentment or become irritated and grumpy.
Ignore them.
They will get used to our special private moments and come to understand and respect our needs and wants.
A few years ago, I made a big change in my life when I ended an unhappy relationship.
I stopped socializing and spent most of my free time focusing on my daughter and my work, study and my writing.
It was a time in my life where I needed to be myself and find out who I was.
I felt very selfish saying no to people, but this experience also taught me how to be assertive and learn to say no.
I'm sure I upset a few people during this time as I was not as easily available to people as I was before.
No-one has actually come to me and said "You selfish bitch!" "How dare you take time out for yourself!"But, I felt like people were thinking it.
So, how do I feel about it? Absolutely wonderful.
That time that I spent on my own self development and with my daughter would have to be one of the most wonderful gifts I have ever given myself.
Today as I am writing this article, I am in a position where I am totally alone, as my daughter has left home.
I have a wonderful, special man in my life, but he lives a long way from me.
Being alone does not bother me, as I know things are going along as they are meant to.
I am quite content to use the time I have to do things I have always wanted to do, like write a book, apply for jobs where my partner lives and plan my move there.
I am not focusing on any outcomes, just moving slowly towards what I want in life.
Nevertheless, if things were different and I was living with my partner and daughter, I would take time out for me.
I would take care of myself and my personal needs, as this is something that is really important to me.
Women need to tell their loved ones what it is they need and if they're loved ones don't like it, eventually they will come around.
My partner is always telling me to look after myself, do what makes me happy and to stop worrying about everyone else.
I whole-heartedly agree with him and I suggest that all women out there do the same.
Copyright 2005 Janelle Coulton I hope that you enjoyed this article and found it helpful.
As you can see I wrote it over two years ago and my life has changed in so many ways since then however, the message is still the same.
We as women, need to take care of our needs more.
For more articles like this one, visit: Jel's Self Help Page Endnote: Webmasters and site owners are welcome to use this article as content for their site, Please ensure that the articles, links and resource box remain as you found them.