"Meaning makes a great many things endurable-perhaps everything.
" C.
G.
JUNG For many people the concept of meaning is some philosophical nicety that has little if anything to do with living or coping well.
In fact, the meaning we draw about anything has a direct impact on how we perceive an experience or engage in it.
Actually perceptions are the personal meanings we give to experience and evolve from our beliefs about life and death.
As many psychologists would say, perception is reality.
That is why we can all see a particular event unfold but perceive it differently.
In other words, there is no such thing as one reality.
Rather, there are many realities based on individual perceptions.
Thus, your needed meaning will be different than what others think is meaningful.
Whatever meaning attached to life events has a powerful effect on how you feel physically and emotionally.
Thus some mourners cope better than others when dealing with massive changes due to the beliefs that feed the meanings attached to the lives and deaths of their loved ones.
So the question remains: How can we find meaning in life after our loved one is no longer physically present? How can existence be purposeful? 1.
The search for meaning begins with committing to the work of letting go of the old for the new.
Not easy to do.
This in no way implies letting go of the loved one because you will forever have a relationship with him or her.
However, there is a major difference between mourners who cope well and those who have long-term problems.
It is essentially that the former are open to developing new routines and new roles which ultimately result in new meanings.
Behind this openness is strong determination to adapt to the changing circumstances of their lives.
2.
Be willing to be open to trying the unfamiliar, things you have yet to consider in your life.
Expand your life into subject areas never explored.
Choose to live life more fully than you ever have and vow to do it in honor of your loved one.
But accept the new belief that change is inevitable and you must change.
The more new connections you make with people, places, things, and what lies beyond the better for adapting to your great loss.
3.
Another powerful way to find new meaning is to use your creative imagination as follows.
Find a quiet place in your home where you can sit and not be disturbed.
Place a picture of your loved one nearby.
Tell him or her that you are finding it difficult to find meaning in life since their passing.
Now imagine the person sitting across from you and slowly and carefully imagine what he or she would say back to you in response to your statement.
4.
Can you find new meaning in traveling to places you have never been to? Sometimes a short bus ride to another town or city in your state can provide ideas and insights to stir interests in travel or connecting to history, art, or museums.
If possible, plan a trip out of the country with one of your friends.
See what architecture, scenery, or special products can bring awe and a different way of looking at the diversity of life.
5.
Create a ritual for loving in separation.
There is no reason why you cannot keep the love for your friend or family member alive by continuing to love him or her, though physically separated.
Some mourners choose to speak to the loved one each morning.
Others choose a memorial that can be seen daily.
You may want to create a memory book of letters, pictures, and cards that can be kept in a special shelf or on a table.
Place a memento in your car as a reminder that love lives on.
6.
Meaning can also be found by studying the literature on non-physical phenomena or psi experiences.
There are many books and research studies that have been completed which heavily support the thesis of an afterlife.
Millions of individuals have reported signs or messages from deceased loved ones.
And it changes the nature of their grief work.
In another type of unexpected mystery, a large number of individuals have reported near-death experiences (NDE's) in which they are transported to a realm of beauty beyond description and meet divine beings.
There are many other kinds of hard to explain experiences which provide much information for creating new meaning about the mysterious world in which we live.
Be willing to create a dialogue with a friend about the meaning of life.
Finally, keep in mind that the loss of meaning in life is not an unusual experience, especially if you have over identified with your loved one.
Being devoid of meaning is a secondary loss that should be grieved as you confront the need for acceptance of the physical absence of the person.
However, without meaning and purpose, life becomes hollow and empty and it is crucial to have a philosophical perspective on it.
No matter what your background has been you have something that can fill someone else's need.
Fill that purpose, give of yourself, and meaning is surely to return.
" C.
G.
JUNG For many people the concept of meaning is some philosophical nicety that has little if anything to do with living or coping well.
In fact, the meaning we draw about anything has a direct impact on how we perceive an experience or engage in it.
Actually perceptions are the personal meanings we give to experience and evolve from our beliefs about life and death.
As many psychologists would say, perception is reality.
That is why we can all see a particular event unfold but perceive it differently.
In other words, there is no such thing as one reality.
Rather, there are many realities based on individual perceptions.
Thus, your needed meaning will be different than what others think is meaningful.
Whatever meaning attached to life events has a powerful effect on how you feel physically and emotionally.
Thus some mourners cope better than others when dealing with massive changes due to the beliefs that feed the meanings attached to the lives and deaths of their loved ones.
So the question remains: How can we find meaning in life after our loved one is no longer physically present? How can existence be purposeful? 1.
The search for meaning begins with committing to the work of letting go of the old for the new.
Not easy to do.
This in no way implies letting go of the loved one because you will forever have a relationship with him or her.
However, there is a major difference between mourners who cope well and those who have long-term problems.
It is essentially that the former are open to developing new routines and new roles which ultimately result in new meanings.
Behind this openness is strong determination to adapt to the changing circumstances of their lives.
2.
Be willing to be open to trying the unfamiliar, things you have yet to consider in your life.
Expand your life into subject areas never explored.
Choose to live life more fully than you ever have and vow to do it in honor of your loved one.
But accept the new belief that change is inevitable and you must change.
The more new connections you make with people, places, things, and what lies beyond the better for adapting to your great loss.
3.
Another powerful way to find new meaning is to use your creative imagination as follows.
Find a quiet place in your home where you can sit and not be disturbed.
Place a picture of your loved one nearby.
Tell him or her that you are finding it difficult to find meaning in life since their passing.
Now imagine the person sitting across from you and slowly and carefully imagine what he or she would say back to you in response to your statement.
4.
Can you find new meaning in traveling to places you have never been to? Sometimes a short bus ride to another town or city in your state can provide ideas and insights to stir interests in travel or connecting to history, art, or museums.
If possible, plan a trip out of the country with one of your friends.
See what architecture, scenery, or special products can bring awe and a different way of looking at the diversity of life.
5.
Create a ritual for loving in separation.
There is no reason why you cannot keep the love for your friend or family member alive by continuing to love him or her, though physically separated.
Some mourners choose to speak to the loved one each morning.
Others choose a memorial that can be seen daily.
You may want to create a memory book of letters, pictures, and cards that can be kept in a special shelf or on a table.
Place a memento in your car as a reminder that love lives on.
6.
Meaning can also be found by studying the literature on non-physical phenomena or psi experiences.
There are many books and research studies that have been completed which heavily support the thesis of an afterlife.
Millions of individuals have reported signs or messages from deceased loved ones.
And it changes the nature of their grief work.
In another type of unexpected mystery, a large number of individuals have reported near-death experiences (NDE's) in which they are transported to a realm of beauty beyond description and meet divine beings.
There are many other kinds of hard to explain experiences which provide much information for creating new meaning about the mysterious world in which we live.
Be willing to create a dialogue with a friend about the meaning of life.
Finally, keep in mind that the loss of meaning in life is not an unusual experience, especially if you have over identified with your loved one.
Being devoid of meaning is a secondary loss that should be grieved as you confront the need for acceptance of the physical absence of the person.
However, without meaning and purpose, life becomes hollow and empty and it is crucial to have a philosophical perspective on it.
No matter what your background has been you have something that can fill someone else's need.
Fill that purpose, give of yourself, and meaning is surely to return.