I retired after thirty-one years of teaching high school students.
While I was teaching, one of my missions was to make sure that every single student felt safe in my classroom.
This was a result of some of my experiences in high school.
Although the bullying I experienced wasn't overt aggression, the sting of being ostracized by my friends has never quite left me.
The "queen bee" of our group orchestrated this exclusion.
Although that title had not yet been coined, it certainly fit.
All of us feared her and her ability to decide who was in and who was out.
We never knew what would be the deciding factor.
That was in 1975, and to this day I still do not know.
In the two years since my retirement I am still drawn to helping the victims of these aggressors.
One conclusion I have drawn is the power of fear in bullying/aggression.
This fear affects the victim, the bystanders, and the sidekicks.
Obviously, the victims of aggressors are going to feel fear.
In severe cases it permeates their entire day.
Can you imagine the bus ride to school fearing or worrying about what is going to happen that day? Worse still would be the fear if they were in the same class as their tormentor.
The hour before, the fear has to begging gnawing in their gut, slowly but surely growing as each minute passes.
The five-minute passing time to the next period feels like a death march.
Overstated? Perhaps, unless you know that feeling.
Of course now the bullying follows them home.
Text messages and Facebook can haunt the victim all night long after a day of school.
It's hard to feel safe when they feel they have no safe place to escape.
Another group that feels fear is the bystanders.
In school, those are the students who see the bullying happen in class, the halls, and the lunchroom but do nothing about it.
While they may not actually join in, often they will laugh as the victim is suffering.
How does fear fit in here? It's what drives the bystanders to do nothing or join in.
They don't want to stand up to the bully and help the victim because that merely makes them a perfect target for the bully.
What person wants to purposely set them up for becoming the next target? Standing up to a bully takes tremendous courage.
Most adults shy away from the bully, so why would we expect a child to behave any differently? The sidekicks of the bully are the most motivated by fear.
They are the friends of the bully and want it to stay that way.
While I was teaching, I would ask those sidekicks if they supported what their queen bee was doing to the victim.
Frequently they said they didn't and couldn't quite understand why she was doing it.
My question was then, "So why don't you tell her?" I look back now and realize what a dumb question that was, because their answer made complete sense.
If they stood up to her, they would be out of the group and the next target.
The fascinating part was that these sidekicks often admitted they didn't even particularly like the leader but were too afraid.
Who would they hang out with? How could they do it without feeling her wrath? Makes perfect sense.
Who doesn't feel fear in the cycle of bullying? The bully, of course.
I know that professionals who study the bully/aggressor often tell us that the bully bullies out of low self-esteem.
They have to pick on others to feel good about themselves.
Maybe that is the case.
All I know is that the bullies I worked and talked with often said they do it "Because I can.
" No fear there!
While I was teaching, one of my missions was to make sure that every single student felt safe in my classroom.
This was a result of some of my experiences in high school.
Although the bullying I experienced wasn't overt aggression, the sting of being ostracized by my friends has never quite left me.
The "queen bee" of our group orchestrated this exclusion.
Although that title had not yet been coined, it certainly fit.
All of us feared her and her ability to decide who was in and who was out.
We never knew what would be the deciding factor.
That was in 1975, and to this day I still do not know.
In the two years since my retirement I am still drawn to helping the victims of these aggressors.
One conclusion I have drawn is the power of fear in bullying/aggression.
This fear affects the victim, the bystanders, and the sidekicks.
Obviously, the victims of aggressors are going to feel fear.
In severe cases it permeates their entire day.
Can you imagine the bus ride to school fearing or worrying about what is going to happen that day? Worse still would be the fear if they were in the same class as their tormentor.
The hour before, the fear has to begging gnawing in their gut, slowly but surely growing as each minute passes.
The five-minute passing time to the next period feels like a death march.
Overstated? Perhaps, unless you know that feeling.
Of course now the bullying follows them home.
Text messages and Facebook can haunt the victim all night long after a day of school.
It's hard to feel safe when they feel they have no safe place to escape.
Another group that feels fear is the bystanders.
In school, those are the students who see the bullying happen in class, the halls, and the lunchroom but do nothing about it.
While they may not actually join in, often they will laugh as the victim is suffering.
How does fear fit in here? It's what drives the bystanders to do nothing or join in.
They don't want to stand up to the bully and help the victim because that merely makes them a perfect target for the bully.
What person wants to purposely set them up for becoming the next target? Standing up to a bully takes tremendous courage.
Most adults shy away from the bully, so why would we expect a child to behave any differently? The sidekicks of the bully are the most motivated by fear.
They are the friends of the bully and want it to stay that way.
While I was teaching, I would ask those sidekicks if they supported what their queen bee was doing to the victim.
Frequently they said they didn't and couldn't quite understand why she was doing it.
My question was then, "So why don't you tell her?" I look back now and realize what a dumb question that was, because their answer made complete sense.
If they stood up to her, they would be out of the group and the next target.
The fascinating part was that these sidekicks often admitted they didn't even particularly like the leader but were too afraid.
Who would they hang out with? How could they do it without feeling her wrath? Makes perfect sense.
Who doesn't feel fear in the cycle of bullying? The bully, of course.
I know that professionals who study the bully/aggressor often tell us that the bully bullies out of low self-esteem.
They have to pick on others to feel good about themselves.
Maybe that is the case.
All I know is that the bullies I worked and talked with often said they do it "Because I can.
" No fear there!