We often think of losing a loved one when we think of a loss.
It includes that.
But a loss can range from giving up on a dream to changes in a friendship to disappointments to betrayal.
It can be a physical loss - death or sickness.
It can be a material loss - a fire or a car accident.
It can be a relational loss.
It can be an emotional loss.
Loss is as much a part of life as laughter and joy.
Learning to live with our losses is a part of living life fully.
I can't say I've mastered that yet, but I have learned a few things along the way.
People mean well.
Sometimes, people are clueless as to what to say...
and it will show.
I want to tell them you don't have to say anything.
Just let me know you're thinking of me, of us.
I experienced that sometimes they don't even show up, because they don't know what to say.
That hurts.
But, the reality is it's just too awkward for them.
In the midst of our pain, they, too are dealing with pain.
Give yourself space.
This is a big one.
Too often we just want to feel better.
Even those around us want us to feel better.
Which is ok, unless it's a cover up for the pain and numbness we feel.
We need to give space for the numbness.
It includes taking time to just be with ourselves, with God.
It may include being with others who were also close to the loss.
Being together is very healing.
Give yourself time.
Time.
Not putting a deadline on when I am going to get over this loss.
It's more about realizing the loss is a part of our journey and that it will always be a part of our journey.
We don't necessarily get over it, it just becomes a part of our life experience.
Eventually, the loss can become a part that we can use to help others.
Laugh.
Hang out with friends that love to laugh.
Laugh eases tension.
Laugh eases stress.
Laugh helps our bodies relax.
As I've attended a number of funerals over the past few years, there is nothing like being together after the funeral when the laughter begins.
We've just walked a very tough journey..
we know the journey forward will be tough.
But, in the moment of being together, something strikes our funny bone and suddenly everything becomes funny.
That is an incredible healing moment.
And, a miracle.
It's OK to laugh.
It's needed.
Giving up our rights.
We often think we have rights.
"That was my child.
" "That was my job.
" "That was mine.
" It's so easy to get into the 'mine' mode.
Instead, I try to think of what I have as gifts.
It's not easy to do, but I think it is a healthier attitude.
What about the gift of another breath? The gift of being able to take another step? The gift of spending time with a friend? Even the seemingly small things are gifts that we too often take for granted.
See Good.
Be Thankful.
I save this one for last, because sometimes we feel like we have to move into this one quickly--overshadowing the necessary healing time to get here.
In fact, I wouldn't focus too much on this one right after experiencing loss.
There is a healthiness in being very real in the midst of loss.
And, sometimes it can be very hard to see good and be thankful when a loss suddenly occurs.
It's shocking.
It's numbing.
It's surreal.
Being thankful at that moment isn't being real.
Yet, eventually, after working through some of the shock, the numbness, the reality of it all, I do believe there will be a time when we can see the good, and once again see the things we can be thankful for.
What about you? What have you learned in the midst of loss?
It includes that.
But a loss can range from giving up on a dream to changes in a friendship to disappointments to betrayal.
It can be a physical loss - death or sickness.
It can be a material loss - a fire or a car accident.
It can be a relational loss.
It can be an emotional loss.
Loss is as much a part of life as laughter and joy.
Learning to live with our losses is a part of living life fully.
I can't say I've mastered that yet, but I have learned a few things along the way.
People mean well.
Sometimes, people are clueless as to what to say...
and it will show.
I want to tell them you don't have to say anything.
Just let me know you're thinking of me, of us.
I experienced that sometimes they don't even show up, because they don't know what to say.
That hurts.
But, the reality is it's just too awkward for them.
In the midst of our pain, they, too are dealing with pain.
Give yourself space.
This is a big one.
Too often we just want to feel better.
Even those around us want us to feel better.
Which is ok, unless it's a cover up for the pain and numbness we feel.
We need to give space for the numbness.
It includes taking time to just be with ourselves, with God.
It may include being with others who were also close to the loss.
Being together is very healing.
Give yourself time.
Time.
Not putting a deadline on when I am going to get over this loss.
It's more about realizing the loss is a part of our journey and that it will always be a part of our journey.
We don't necessarily get over it, it just becomes a part of our life experience.
Eventually, the loss can become a part that we can use to help others.
Laugh.
Hang out with friends that love to laugh.
Laugh eases tension.
Laugh eases stress.
Laugh helps our bodies relax.
As I've attended a number of funerals over the past few years, there is nothing like being together after the funeral when the laughter begins.
We've just walked a very tough journey..
we know the journey forward will be tough.
But, in the moment of being together, something strikes our funny bone and suddenly everything becomes funny.
That is an incredible healing moment.
And, a miracle.
It's OK to laugh.
It's needed.
Giving up our rights.
We often think we have rights.
"That was my child.
" "That was my job.
" "That was mine.
" It's so easy to get into the 'mine' mode.
Instead, I try to think of what I have as gifts.
It's not easy to do, but I think it is a healthier attitude.
What about the gift of another breath? The gift of being able to take another step? The gift of spending time with a friend? Even the seemingly small things are gifts that we too often take for granted.
See Good.
Be Thankful.
I save this one for last, because sometimes we feel like we have to move into this one quickly--overshadowing the necessary healing time to get here.
In fact, I wouldn't focus too much on this one right after experiencing loss.
There is a healthiness in being very real in the midst of loss.
And, sometimes it can be very hard to see good and be thankful when a loss suddenly occurs.
It's shocking.
It's numbing.
It's surreal.
Being thankful at that moment isn't being real.
Yet, eventually, after working through some of the shock, the numbness, the reality of it all, I do believe there will be a time when we can see the good, and once again see the things we can be thankful for.
What about you? What have you learned in the midst of loss?