"George W. Bush is my own personal full employment act. He's like if Reagan and Quayle had a kid. Quagan."
"The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine."
"Bush isn't dumb, he's just a Wheel of Fortune President in a Jeopardy world."
"The Clintons got $20 million for their autobiographies. Seems like a lot of money for the memoirs of 2 people who for 8 years testified under oath, they couldn't remember a single thing."
"Every time I hear the oil companies talk about solar energy I worry they've developed a plan to block out the sun."
"What is the deal with Arnold Schwarzenegger's marriage to Maria Shriver?
What is that: phase one in a genetic experiment to breed a bullet-proof Kennedy?"
"As Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi follows Dick Cheney in Presidential succession. That means she's only two chicken bones away from the Presidency. And Bush does not look like a picky eater."
"Bush claims he wants to work with the Democrats. Yeah, right. The same way a 5- year- old with a magnifying glass wants to work with ants."
"How exactly does Congress plan on building a 700 mile long, 15 foot high fence on the Mexican border without using Mexican labor? What are they going to do, draft housewives from La Jolla?"
"People like the President because he seems like a guy you could have a beer with. But now it's time to take away the car keys."
Read more Durst-isms at willdurst.com
"The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine."
"Bush isn't dumb, he's just a Wheel of Fortune President in a Jeopardy world."
"The Clintons got $20 million for their autobiographies. Seems like a lot of money for the memoirs of 2 people who for 8 years testified under oath, they couldn't remember a single thing."
"Every time I hear the oil companies talk about solar energy I worry they've developed a plan to block out the sun."
"What is the deal with Arnold Schwarzenegger's marriage to Maria Shriver?
What is that: phase one in a genetic experiment to breed a bullet-proof Kennedy?"
"As Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi follows Dick Cheney in Presidential succession. That means she's only two chicken bones away from the Presidency. And Bush does not look like a picky eater."
"Bush claims he wants to work with the Democrats. Yeah, right. The same way a 5- year- old with a magnifying glass wants to work with ants."
"How exactly does Congress plan on building a 700 mile long, 15 foot high fence on the Mexican border without using Mexican labor? What are they going to do, draft housewives from La Jolla?"
"People like the President because he seems like a guy you could have a beer with. But now it's time to take away the car keys."
Read more Durst-isms at willdurst.com