At the risk of sounding like the grandmother I am, I want to talk about kindness. We all hopefully remember some older person in our childhood who talked about how important it was to be kind, or to follow "the golden rule" or maybe to smile because smiles are contagious, which is the one I remember most because my dad told me so. After years of kindness, at least in its simplest form, sort of being on the back burner, it seems to be jumping out at me a lot lately. I am intrigued by its simplicity and its amazing applicability.
Somewhere between 10 and 50-something, kindness became less important. Certainly, in our teens it was often replaced by "being cool" or even cruelty at times within our school environments. Often, in the 20 through 40 age bracket, we get absorbed into the "eat or be eaten" mentality where kindness definitely can take a back seat. This does not mean we never behaved kindly or showed good manners, but were we actually being kind or just "acting" kind for some underlying reason? Often in the later decades, we see that maybe that mentality does not go as far as we once thought it would, and we start looking for a gentler approach.
This subject is a bit of a challenge, because I have found that most people think they are kind. I know I thought I was, and when I have mentioned to people that know me they are surprised that I think I was not usually kind. Reality check time, definitely for me, and maybe even for them! The challenge comes in because I am not sure how to really get this point across in a way that others will not only understand, but see deeper than its simplicity and not discard as commonplace or even corny.
I find it interesting to sort of mix up the idea of the golden rule and the newer, and very popular concept of "the law of attraction". Have you ever seen someone use the golden rule in reverse? I see it all the time. It is observable with people who have a lot of drama in their lives. I am not making them wrong; I am only pointing out the matching that goes on with what they put out and get back. It is not right or wrong, it is only a match. Often, they are getting what they want, they just cannot see that, or break the habit. As judgmental as I used to be, they did not deserve any kindness I might have mustered up.
Being kind, unconditionally kind, has become a thing to strive for in my life. I mean being kind when it does not seem that the person on the receiving end really deserves it. I mean being kind, even though they were not kind to you. I mean being kind although you feel they will never return the kindness. And, most of all I mean being kind even when it is not convenient for you. I have arrived at the point of knowing when I am not kind, and I consider that a success. I look forward to "being kind" so naturally it is organic, so easy I do not have to decide which way to be.
A facilitator in a study group I attend recently answered a question on how to react in a certain situation. He suggested to just "be kind", and not worry about any other behavior. As often happens, when we are ready for something it hits us like a brick in the head. One of my challenges in getting my point across now is how trite the idea of kindness as a solution to upsets in my life would have seemed in those years when I was sure I knew it all. Shortly after that incident I ran into this quote by Philo, sometimes attributed to Plato: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." That one just added to the clarity.
I know one thing for sure. Kindness has taken on a new meaning for me as I begin my seventh decade. It is actually very easy at this point to implement in my daily routine, even if I slip and notice it after the fact. I notice that the kinder I am, the happier I feel. The healing power of kindness is incredible, and I love the partnership it demonstrates with forgiveness and gratitude. You may be a fortunate human being who always exudes an organic kindness. But if not, no matter what decade of life you are in, please try this easy to apply motto: when in doubt, be kind. Do it unconditionally, and you just might be amazed. I will gladly share with you the happiness and peace we see as a result.
Somewhere between 10 and 50-something, kindness became less important. Certainly, in our teens it was often replaced by "being cool" or even cruelty at times within our school environments. Often, in the 20 through 40 age bracket, we get absorbed into the "eat or be eaten" mentality where kindness definitely can take a back seat. This does not mean we never behaved kindly or showed good manners, but were we actually being kind or just "acting" kind for some underlying reason? Often in the later decades, we see that maybe that mentality does not go as far as we once thought it would, and we start looking for a gentler approach.
This subject is a bit of a challenge, because I have found that most people think they are kind. I know I thought I was, and when I have mentioned to people that know me they are surprised that I think I was not usually kind. Reality check time, definitely for me, and maybe even for them! The challenge comes in because I am not sure how to really get this point across in a way that others will not only understand, but see deeper than its simplicity and not discard as commonplace or even corny.
I find it interesting to sort of mix up the idea of the golden rule and the newer, and very popular concept of "the law of attraction". Have you ever seen someone use the golden rule in reverse? I see it all the time. It is observable with people who have a lot of drama in their lives. I am not making them wrong; I am only pointing out the matching that goes on with what they put out and get back. It is not right or wrong, it is only a match. Often, they are getting what they want, they just cannot see that, or break the habit. As judgmental as I used to be, they did not deserve any kindness I might have mustered up.
Being kind, unconditionally kind, has become a thing to strive for in my life. I mean being kind when it does not seem that the person on the receiving end really deserves it. I mean being kind, even though they were not kind to you. I mean being kind although you feel they will never return the kindness. And, most of all I mean being kind even when it is not convenient for you. I have arrived at the point of knowing when I am not kind, and I consider that a success. I look forward to "being kind" so naturally it is organic, so easy I do not have to decide which way to be.
A facilitator in a study group I attend recently answered a question on how to react in a certain situation. He suggested to just "be kind", and not worry about any other behavior. As often happens, when we are ready for something it hits us like a brick in the head. One of my challenges in getting my point across now is how trite the idea of kindness as a solution to upsets in my life would have seemed in those years when I was sure I knew it all. Shortly after that incident I ran into this quote by Philo, sometimes attributed to Plato: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." That one just added to the clarity.
I know one thing for sure. Kindness has taken on a new meaning for me as I begin my seventh decade. It is actually very easy at this point to implement in my daily routine, even if I slip and notice it after the fact. I notice that the kinder I am, the happier I feel. The healing power of kindness is incredible, and I love the partnership it demonstrates with forgiveness and gratitude. You may be a fortunate human being who always exudes an organic kindness. But if not, no matter what decade of life you are in, please try this easy to apply motto: when in doubt, be kind. Do it unconditionally, and you just might be amazed. I will gladly share with you the happiness and peace we see as a result.