My only ambition in life from the time I started thinking about my future, was to become a wife and mother.
This was before it was assumed everyone would go to college and get a "good" job.
I was always told women do not need an education beyond what you can learn from your mother.
So very early on I started looking for Mr.
Right.
Thought I had found him on several occasions.
That is the right progression of things right?You are born, you grow up, go to school, graduate, get married and have babies.
I wanted babies more than life itself, some one to hold, cuddle and love unconditionally, who would return that unconditional love as children do with their parents.
Well I sort of got the intended order of things mixed up.
I really thought I had found Mr.
Right, but did not choose to wait for the wedding bells to ring.
Unlike lots of unexpected moms to be, I was absolutely ecstatic, I was going to have a baby!My very own baby.
I didn't start to think about the fact that I had no place to live, no job to feed and clothe myself let alone a baby that would depend on me for everything for at least 18 years.
One day the choice was made and I ended up in Chicago with a place for unwed mothers.
We were placed into homes that worked with the adoption agency, to give us the basics of need.
They paid us 20.
00 a week, that we were supposed to save to pay our hospital bill, in exchange for housework and being a nanny.
Yes, you guessed it, I had decided to give my baby the very best gift I could, the gift of life with a family that wanted her, would love her, and could provide all of her needs, and hopefully some of her wants.
I stayed with this family until it was time to go to the hospital.
One night I had just laid down to sleep and my water broke.
Took me by surprise at first, but then I realized it was time.
Labor was a very hard thing to do, considering what my plans were.
I did it for her,everything I had done for the previous 9 months were done for her, and the final gift was just a couple of days away.
I held my little girl, I named her Carolyn Ann, I am not sure if she still has that name, but my daughter was the most beautiful blue eyed girl I had ever laid eyes on.
The day came when it was finally time to be discharged and I tearfully asked to hold her one more time, I wanted to change my mind, everything in me wanted to take that wonderful baby home with me.
I was told she was already gone.
They brought the papers in for me to sign.
I did not know even then I could have refused and asked for her to be brought back.
I am sure now I did what God's will was and my gift to her was complete.
I am writing this to my Carolyn Ann and all of the other Carolyn Ann's out there, to say it wasn't because you weren't wanted, but the very opposite, you were very much wanted by 2 families, and that makes you very special indeed.
I am also writing this to all of the girls out there that might be experiencing the very same thing..
...
please give that baby the gift of life, the very greatest gift they will ever receive.
I love you Carolyn Ann!
This was before it was assumed everyone would go to college and get a "good" job.
I was always told women do not need an education beyond what you can learn from your mother.
So very early on I started looking for Mr.
Right.
Thought I had found him on several occasions.
That is the right progression of things right?You are born, you grow up, go to school, graduate, get married and have babies.
I wanted babies more than life itself, some one to hold, cuddle and love unconditionally, who would return that unconditional love as children do with their parents.
Well I sort of got the intended order of things mixed up.
I really thought I had found Mr.
Right, but did not choose to wait for the wedding bells to ring.
Unlike lots of unexpected moms to be, I was absolutely ecstatic, I was going to have a baby!My very own baby.
I didn't start to think about the fact that I had no place to live, no job to feed and clothe myself let alone a baby that would depend on me for everything for at least 18 years.
One day the choice was made and I ended up in Chicago with a place for unwed mothers.
We were placed into homes that worked with the adoption agency, to give us the basics of need.
They paid us 20.
00 a week, that we were supposed to save to pay our hospital bill, in exchange for housework and being a nanny.
Yes, you guessed it, I had decided to give my baby the very best gift I could, the gift of life with a family that wanted her, would love her, and could provide all of her needs, and hopefully some of her wants.
I stayed with this family until it was time to go to the hospital.
One night I had just laid down to sleep and my water broke.
Took me by surprise at first, but then I realized it was time.
Labor was a very hard thing to do, considering what my plans were.
I did it for her,everything I had done for the previous 9 months were done for her, and the final gift was just a couple of days away.
I held my little girl, I named her Carolyn Ann, I am not sure if she still has that name, but my daughter was the most beautiful blue eyed girl I had ever laid eyes on.
The day came when it was finally time to be discharged and I tearfully asked to hold her one more time, I wanted to change my mind, everything in me wanted to take that wonderful baby home with me.
I was told she was already gone.
They brought the papers in for me to sign.
I did not know even then I could have refused and asked for her to be brought back.
I am sure now I did what God's will was and my gift to her was complete.
I am writing this to my Carolyn Ann and all of the other Carolyn Ann's out there, to say it wasn't because you weren't wanted, but the very opposite, you were very much wanted by 2 families, and that makes you very special indeed.
I am also writing this to all of the girls out there that might be experiencing the very same thing..
...
please give that baby the gift of life, the very greatest gift they will ever receive.
I love you Carolyn Ann!