How to Write a Parody News Story About a Fake Event
FAKE NEWS - Utter pandemonium reigned in most major U.
S.
cities today as residents took to the streets to protest a lack of change in the wake of the nascent Obama presidency.
As the administration began its second day, confusion turned to outright anger as citizens noticed that stubborn problems such as unemployment, disease and gravity seemed unfazed by the new presidency and its accompanying era of hope.
"This is ridiculous," shouted an unemployed man in Detroit as he hurled a trashcan through the window of a car dealership.
"I've been waiting five years for a job.
Where's my stuff, Obama?" In Pittsburgh, outraged members of a steel-workers union had to be water-cannoned into submission at a suburban shopping mall after they raced to their former work site, which has been shuttered since 1982, only to find that it remained closed, the mammoth shopping complex that replaced it still in place.
"He told us things would be different," said the shop steward of Local 151, which represents the displaced miners.
"We've been waiting since 1982 for the government to make us relevant again, and we thought Obama was finally the man to do it.
I guess our trust was misplaced.
" In Baltimore, the National Guard had to be summoned to support already-overtaxed local law enforcement to quell uprisings at several hospitals.
Protesters, said Vague Reach, a community organizer, were "primarily angry over the fact that illnesses remain without a cure in this new administration but second, we are outraged that a free health care system has not been put in place to treat these illnesses.
"You'd think he'd at least have cured the common cold by now, and given everyone free insurance for all other ailments until he finally gets around to curing them too.
" Political analysts had cautioned before the election that Obama, in the face of his deified status on the national stage, could be at risk of falling short of expectations.
"You've got citizens out there who, quite frankly, were expecting things like universal health care, global peace and the ability to control the weather and gravity by the end of his first day in office," said Snide Pustules, co-chairman and assistant junior vice president of suburban dialogue for a Washington D.
C.
political think tank.
"Clearly, Obama can do all that.
He can do all that and much, much, more.
But we've got to be a little patient.
Rome wasn't destroyed in a day.
"
S.
cities today as residents took to the streets to protest a lack of change in the wake of the nascent Obama presidency.
As the administration began its second day, confusion turned to outright anger as citizens noticed that stubborn problems such as unemployment, disease and gravity seemed unfazed by the new presidency and its accompanying era of hope.
"This is ridiculous," shouted an unemployed man in Detroit as he hurled a trashcan through the window of a car dealership.
"I've been waiting five years for a job.
Where's my stuff, Obama?" In Pittsburgh, outraged members of a steel-workers union had to be water-cannoned into submission at a suburban shopping mall after they raced to their former work site, which has been shuttered since 1982, only to find that it remained closed, the mammoth shopping complex that replaced it still in place.
"He told us things would be different," said the shop steward of Local 151, which represents the displaced miners.
"We've been waiting since 1982 for the government to make us relevant again, and we thought Obama was finally the man to do it.
I guess our trust was misplaced.
" In Baltimore, the National Guard had to be summoned to support already-overtaxed local law enforcement to quell uprisings at several hospitals.
Protesters, said Vague Reach, a community organizer, were "primarily angry over the fact that illnesses remain without a cure in this new administration but second, we are outraged that a free health care system has not been put in place to treat these illnesses.
"You'd think he'd at least have cured the common cold by now, and given everyone free insurance for all other ailments until he finally gets around to curing them too.
" Political analysts had cautioned before the election that Obama, in the face of his deified status on the national stage, could be at risk of falling short of expectations.
"You've got citizens out there who, quite frankly, were expecting things like universal health care, global peace and the ability to control the weather and gravity by the end of his first day in office," said Snide Pustules, co-chairman and assistant junior vice president of suburban dialogue for a Washington D.
C.
political think tank.
"Clearly, Obama can do all that.
He can do all that and much, much, more.
But we've got to be a little patient.
Rome wasn't destroyed in a day.
"