For most couples, infidelity just about tops the list of their relationship phobias. Although there are those lucky ones who are totally secure in their partners, they are few and far between. Most of us simply have had some doubts about the faithfulness of our significant other at one point or another.
But when are you supposed to shrug off those errant thoughts? Put another way – and probably more urgently – when are you supposed to give those nagging doubts some very serious consideration?
You, of course, don't want to waste precious time, resources, energy, and emotion chasing what might turn out to be absolutely false (and end up feeling guilty and berating yourself for mistrusting your spouse). Before you take any serious investigative steps, therefore, you need to look for telltale signs of a cheating spouse.
And you don't have to look far. Signs of cheating are quite evident in facial expressions and that's where you need to start looking. So how to tell if your spouse is cheating on you? Look closely at his or her face for the following:
1. Furrowed brows
Liars often frown when they have to answer seemingly innocent questions that could bring their lie to the fore; the frown is an indication that they have to think their answers over very carefully or that they are extremely irritated by it or both.
2. Downcast eyes
Innocuous questions such as why he or she is out all night, why the credit card bill has skyrocketed, or why he or she missed dinner will not only elicit a furrowed brow but may also be met by a very guilty party with downcast eyes.
3. Touching the nose
It's a quirk of human nature that we tend to touch our nose when we find ourselves lying – and a cheating partner is no different. Maybe there is some truth to Pinocchio after all? But it's not just the nose-touching that you need to watch out for; reports also point to observations that liars also can't keep their hands off their earlobes, neck, lips, and hair.
4. Tighter lips
Ever notice that when you are awfully peeved at someone you tighten your lips into a thin line? Well that's also how cheating spouses look when they are faced with questions that they have to lie about – lies, for example, to cover up their extramarital affairs.
Or they could also be angry at you for putting them on that very prickly spot where their lies come very dangerously close to becoming exposed.
5. Lip biting
Biting the lips could be an indication of several things: discomfort, anticipation, furious thinking, holding something back, or guilt. While it may be difficult to pinpoint which it is your partner is feeling, watch out for this sign together with other facial expressions before jumping to conclusions.
6. Face turned away from you
A liar – and therefore a cheater as well – is automatically on a defensive mode and he or she would want to erect barriers when he or she feels as if you are being confrontational (even if you did not mean to be). Lacking barriers, the most they can do is to turn their face away from you.
A liar may be aware that turning their body away may raise suspicions, and so will downcast eyes, but turning their face away during the course of the "confrontation" is an involuntary reaction that a liar almost always has no control over.
Again, it doesn't have to be a confrontation – it can be any discussion that treads uncomfortably close to what they have to lie about.
7. Limited facial expression
An innocent person's face is animated. On the other hand, a person who is under a lot of stress – stress because of lying – would limit his or her facial expression.
That's because he or she wants to "control" his or her facial movements believing that by doing so means not giving anything away. In this case, "poker face" is nothing but a well-practiced facial expression and is far from the natural expression of a guilt-free person.
8. Facial muscle twitching
Twitching is a quick and involuntary movement of facial muscles that indicates irritation, excitement or amusement that a person tries very hard to control.
When a lie is potentially close to becoming exposed, you can be very sure that a person is neither amused nor excited when the corner or his or her lips quirk suddenly or an eyelid bats a little too fast or a muscle near the temple twitches.
9. Words don't match the facial expression
Outright lying is never easy and if you find that your partner's facial expression do not coincide with the words they are saying, then you just might have a cheater on your hands.
For instance, try gauging the way your partner says "I love you" to you (if you can get them to say that in the first place) – does he or she look away? Do you detect an almost imperceptible frown? Is it rather a bit offhand than what you used to remember?
Admittedly, facial expressions – which for the most part are non-verbal clues – are the most difficult to interpret. This is more so if you have never been particularly sensitive to the nuances of your partner's facial expressions.
The emotions that play across a person's face could be interpreted in various ways and you might be interpreting intense feelings such as worry, irritation, fatigue, anger, etc differently.
The above clues, therefore, should be used with caution. These are not the be-all-and- end-all to finding out a cheating wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend – they are merely red flags.
Nevertheless, they are meant to trigger warning bells in your head that tell you to be more watchful of your partner.
One last advice: never, ever let on that you are starting to get suspicious at this early stage. You would want to lull your partner into a false sense of security so that they start giving you real, hard evidence on their illicit affairs.
But when are you supposed to shrug off those errant thoughts? Put another way – and probably more urgently – when are you supposed to give those nagging doubts some very serious consideration?
You, of course, don't want to waste precious time, resources, energy, and emotion chasing what might turn out to be absolutely false (and end up feeling guilty and berating yourself for mistrusting your spouse). Before you take any serious investigative steps, therefore, you need to look for telltale signs of a cheating spouse.
And you don't have to look far. Signs of cheating are quite evident in facial expressions and that's where you need to start looking. So how to tell if your spouse is cheating on you? Look closely at his or her face for the following:
1. Furrowed brows
Liars often frown when they have to answer seemingly innocent questions that could bring their lie to the fore; the frown is an indication that they have to think their answers over very carefully or that they are extremely irritated by it or both.
2. Downcast eyes
Innocuous questions such as why he or she is out all night, why the credit card bill has skyrocketed, or why he or she missed dinner will not only elicit a furrowed brow but may also be met by a very guilty party with downcast eyes.
3. Touching the nose
It's a quirk of human nature that we tend to touch our nose when we find ourselves lying – and a cheating partner is no different. Maybe there is some truth to Pinocchio after all? But it's not just the nose-touching that you need to watch out for; reports also point to observations that liars also can't keep their hands off their earlobes, neck, lips, and hair.
4. Tighter lips
Ever notice that when you are awfully peeved at someone you tighten your lips into a thin line? Well that's also how cheating spouses look when they are faced with questions that they have to lie about – lies, for example, to cover up their extramarital affairs.
Or they could also be angry at you for putting them on that very prickly spot where their lies come very dangerously close to becoming exposed.
5. Lip biting
Biting the lips could be an indication of several things: discomfort, anticipation, furious thinking, holding something back, or guilt. While it may be difficult to pinpoint which it is your partner is feeling, watch out for this sign together with other facial expressions before jumping to conclusions.
6. Face turned away from you
A liar – and therefore a cheater as well – is automatically on a defensive mode and he or she would want to erect barriers when he or she feels as if you are being confrontational (even if you did not mean to be). Lacking barriers, the most they can do is to turn their face away from you.
A liar may be aware that turning their body away may raise suspicions, and so will downcast eyes, but turning their face away during the course of the "confrontation" is an involuntary reaction that a liar almost always has no control over.
Again, it doesn't have to be a confrontation – it can be any discussion that treads uncomfortably close to what they have to lie about.
7. Limited facial expression
An innocent person's face is animated. On the other hand, a person who is under a lot of stress – stress because of lying – would limit his or her facial expression.
That's because he or she wants to "control" his or her facial movements believing that by doing so means not giving anything away. In this case, "poker face" is nothing but a well-practiced facial expression and is far from the natural expression of a guilt-free person.
8. Facial muscle twitching
Twitching is a quick and involuntary movement of facial muscles that indicates irritation, excitement or amusement that a person tries very hard to control.
When a lie is potentially close to becoming exposed, you can be very sure that a person is neither amused nor excited when the corner or his or her lips quirk suddenly or an eyelid bats a little too fast or a muscle near the temple twitches.
9. Words don't match the facial expression
Outright lying is never easy and if you find that your partner's facial expression do not coincide with the words they are saying, then you just might have a cheater on your hands.
For instance, try gauging the way your partner says "I love you" to you (if you can get them to say that in the first place) – does he or she look away? Do you detect an almost imperceptible frown? Is it rather a bit offhand than what you used to remember?
Admittedly, facial expressions – which for the most part are non-verbal clues – are the most difficult to interpret. This is more so if you have never been particularly sensitive to the nuances of your partner's facial expressions.
The emotions that play across a person's face could be interpreted in various ways and you might be interpreting intense feelings such as worry, irritation, fatigue, anger, etc differently.
The above clues, therefore, should be used with caution. These are not the be-all-and- end-all to finding out a cheating wife, husband, girlfriend or boyfriend – they are merely red flags.
Nevertheless, they are meant to trigger warning bells in your head that tell you to be more watchful of your partner.
One last advice: never, ever let on that you are starting to get suspicious at this early stage. You would want to lull your partner into a false sense of security so that they start giving you real, hard evidence on their illicit affairs.