You have committed marriage infidelity and your spouse has found out, what do you do now? Well, it's time to determine if your want to fix or abandon your marriage.
You have done the absolute worst thing you could have done to your marital bond.
When you and your spouse were first wed you both had high expectations for your marriage and infidelity has changed all that.
You must have had some reason for your actions.
Have you achieved the results you wanted? If not, you need to determine if you want to stay in your marriage.
If you do, you need to find out if your spouse wants to give you another chance, although, this may very well be difficult to determine.
Your partner may not be readily able to make that decision, especially if they have just learned of your illicit goings on.
Okay, here you are.
You've made a BIG mistake, you feel horrible and you have decided that you still love your spouse, but they are upset and might not even be able to face you.
How do you proceed? Here are some pointers to get you headed in the right direction.
1.
Take accountability for what you have done.
Admit to it, confess it to your spouse and apologize for it.
But, don't dwell on it.
If you concentrate on your errors, you and your partner will never put them to rest.
Make your remorse known to your partner, and use your feelings of guilt to help your move forward, but don't expect your spouse to ever forgive you if you can't forgive yourself.
2.
Understand how your partner must feel.
If they won't tell you, know that you couldn't have done anything worse than cheat on them.
No matter how bad, or how guilty you feel, it's nothing compared to what they are going through.
After all, you know what was going on; there were no surprises, your actions where you own.
Your partner, on the other hand, is the victim of those actions.
3.
Commit yourself to making it work.
For now, your partner may not be talking to you.
If you still love them and truly what to reconcile, you will have to decide to give all your effort to change your attitude and your behavior to visibly show your partner you're serious about making the marriage work.
While it may be difficult, you need to get your outlook and actions moving in an optimistic direction.
It is your actions that got you here and it will be your actions that determine your direction.
4.
Be patient.
It could take some time before your partner will even be prepared to talk with you.
Once they do start talking, they have a lot more healing to do.
It's going to take time.
Maybe years, to get them feeling comfortable with the relationship again.
5.
Be Understanding.
Your spouse will need to work through what has happened and may even seem unsure of how to proceed toward reconciliation.
They may even decide that they're not emotionally strong enough to stay in the relationship.
You need to try to understand what they're going through and be sympathetic.
You can't force a solution on them, but you can show them you care by understanding their view point.
6.
Be comforting.
Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to move past your blunder and re-establish your relationship.
Ask them what you can do to prove yourself to them.
If you can get them to tell you, you'll be moving in a positive direction.
When they communicate what they need you to do, DO IT.
Don't argue, don't get defensive, just do it with the best and most agreeable attitude you can.
It's not going to be easy to regain their trust in you, so, you're going to have to work particularly hard to earn it.
7.
Once you've gotten the lines of communication open again and have demonstrated, by your actions, that you're serious about fixing your marriage, you and your partner need to determine what you both want out of your marriage.
Set the tone by viewing this as a chance to start a new.
Be positive, after all, you are both much wiser now than when you were first married.
You have a golden opportunity to make your bond stronger than ever, working from where you are right now.
8.
DO NOT repeat your infidelity.
If it's not obvious to you why, then you should do yourself and your spouse a favor and just end the relationship now.
Why go through all the trouble and heart ache just to end up back where you are right now.
It was you who got you where you are now, but it's going to take both of you to get to where you want to be.
Knowing the part you need to play will increase you and your spouse's chances for success.
You need to work at achieving success in your marriage and infidelity has set your relationship back, don't think it's going to be easy to start over.
You have a lot of work ahead of you, so follow the steps outlined here and start working on your partnership with your spouse.
You have done the absolute worst thing you could have done to your marital bond.
When you and your spouse were first wed you both had high expectations for your marriage and infidelity has changed all that.
You must have had some reason for your actions.
Have you achieved the results you wanted? If not, you need to determine if you want to stay in your marriage.
If you do, you need to find out if your spouse wants to give you another chance, although, this may very well be difficult to determine.
Your partner may not be readily able to make that decision, especially if they have just learned of your illicit goings on.
Okay, here you are.
You've made a BIG mistake, you feel horrible and you have decided that you still love your spouse, but they are upset and might not even be able to face you.
How do you proceed? Here are some pointers to get you headed in the right direction.
1.
Take accountability for what you have done.
Admit to it, confess it to your spouse and apologize for it.
But, don't dwell on it.
If you concentrate on your errors, you and your partner will never put them to rest.
Make your remorse known to your partner, and use your feelings of guilt to help your move forward, but don't expect your spouse to ever forgive you if you can't forgive yourself.
2.
Understand how your partner must feel.
If they won't tell you, know that you couldn't have done anything worse than cheat on them.
No matter how bad, or how guilty you feel, it's nothing compared to what they are going through.
After all, you know what was going on; there were no surprises, your actions where you own.
Your partner, on the other hand, is the victim of those actions.
3.
Commit yourself to making it work.
For now, your partner may not be talking to you.
If you still love them and truly what to reconcile, you will have to decide to give all your effort to change your attitude and your behavior to visibly show your partner you're serious about making the marriage work.
While it may be difficult, you need to get your outlook and actions moving in an optimistic direction.
It is your actions that got you here and it will be your actions that determine your direction.
4.
Be patient.
It could take some time before your partner will even be prepared to talk with you.
Once they do start talking, they have a lot more healing to do.
It's going to take time.
Maybe years, to get them feeling comfortable with the relationship again.
5.
Be Understanding.
Your spouse will need to work through what has happened and may even seem unsure of how to proceed toward reconciliation.
They may even decide that they're not emotionally strong enough to stay in the relationship.
You need to try to understand what they're going through and be sympathetic.
You can't force a solution on them, but you can show them you care by understanding their view point.
6.
Be comforting.
Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to move past your blunder and re-establish your relationship.
Ask them what you can do to prove yourself to them.
If you can get them to tell you, you'll be moving in a positive direction.
When they communicate what they need you to do, DO IT.
Don't argue, don't get defensive, just do it with the best and most agreeable attitude you can.
It's not going to be easy to regain their trust in you, so, you're going to have to work particularly hard to earn it.
7.
Once you've gotten the lines of communication open again and have demonstrated, by your actions, that you're serious about fixing your marriage, you and your partner need to determine what you both want out of your marriage.
Set the tone by viewing this as a chance to start a new.
Be positive, after all, you are both much wiser now than when you were first married.
You have a golden opportunity to make your bond stronger than ever, working from where you are right now.
8.
DO NOT repeat your infidelity.
If it's not obvious to you why, then you should do yourself and your spouse a favor and just end the relationship now.
Why go through all the trouble and heart ache just to end up back where you are right now.
It was you who got you where you are now, but it's going to take both of you to get to where you want to be.
Knowing the part you need to play will increase you and your spouse's chances for success.
You need to work at achieving success in your marriage and infidelity has set your relationship back, don't think it's going to be easy to start over.
You have a lot of work ahead of you, so follow the steps outlined here and start working on your partnership with your spouse.