They say opposites attract.
In a relationship, that type of attraction is often a bumpy road as couples try to balance and understand each other's differences.
But if you're an organized person who lives with someone who's messy, it can be a challenge not only to understand each other's differences, but to share a physical space as well.
I know firsthand how frustrating that can be because I've been married for over 20 years to a wonderful man who's not so organized.
After years of dealing with items put back in the wrong place, socks left on the floor, and paper piles all over the house, I've learned how to balance his messy tendencies with my organized ways.
There is no easy answer to the problem, but there is hope! How to get your spouse more organized If you live with someone who is less-than-organized, there are a few things you can do: • Communicate ~ Let your partner or spouse know that you want to make a concerted effort to get more organized.
Explain your reasoning, your vision, and the steps that will need to be taken to accomplish that goal.
Don't demand they join you or blame them for the current state of the mess, but rather help them to see it as a win-win for everyone.
• Compromise ~ Although you may have an idea of how the organizing efforts and systems should be put into action, your partner or spouse may not agree with you.
Be willing to compromise.
There is no one-size-fits-all way to organize and you and your partner may approach organizing in totally different ways.
• Create agreeable terms ~ Make agreements about how "organizing disputes" will be handled.
For example, if your partner is unwilling to part with a sports collection that is taking up valuable space in your closet, establish a set of terms about how to handle the clutter.
Perhaps the two of you can agree to put the collection in a box, tape it up, and write a future date on it.
If the future date comes and goes and the box hasn't been opened for any reason, then it's agreed that the boxed items are not needed and can be given away.
• Make it easy~ Create organizing systems that are easy to use.
If your partner or spouse tends to loose their keys all the time, leave a small bowl near the door where they come in so that they will have a place to drop the keys and always know where to find them.
It's more likely that they will use a system if it doesn't require too much effort.
• Explain, explain, explain ~ If you organize the kitchen pantry and want your partner or spouse to help you keep it organized, walk them through the newly organized space and explain what you did (such as adding baskets and labels) and where things belong now.
People aren't mind readers and can't be expected to know they are supposed to do something unless you explain it to them.
• Give them their own mess zone ~ Find one to two places in the house that your partner or spouse can feel free to leave messy and that you won't bug them about it being disorganized.
It may be a drawer, a closet, or an entire room.
By offering them this space, they will be probably be more inclined to help you keep the other parts of the house organized.
• Be patient ~ Change doesn't happen overnight; it takes time.
Sometimes it takes a lot of time.
Don't try to change everything all at once.
Start small and grow from there.
You can only change yourself Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were a magic wand you could wave to change the people around you? As much as you'd like to alter the habits or behaviors of others, the only person you can truly change is yourself.
If you want to organize the "messie" in your life, the best thing you can do is to lead by example and to take positive steps like the ones mentioned above.
Your spouse or partner may never be as organized as you are, but with time, they may learn to embrace an organized lifestyle without compromising being the person you fell in love with.
In a relationship, that type of attraction is often a bumpy road as couples try to balance and understand each other's differences.
But if you're an organized person who lives with someone who's messy, it can be a challenge not only to understand each other's differences, but to share a physical space as well.
I know firsthand how frustrating that can be because I've been married for over 20 years to a wonderful man who's not so organized.
After years of dealing with items put back in the wrong place, socks left on the floor, and paper piles all over the house, I've learned how to balance his messy tendencies with my organized ways.
There is no easy answer to the problem, but there is hope! How to get your spouse more organized If you live with someone who is less-than-organized, there are a few things you can do: • Communicate ~ Let your partner or spouse know that you want to make a concerted effort to get more organized.
Explain your reasoning, your vision, and the steps that will need to be taken to accomplish that goal.
Don't demand they join you or blame them for the current state of the mess, but rather help them to see it as a win-win for everyone.
• Compromise ~ Although you may have an idea of how the organizing efforts and systems should be put into action, your partner or spouse may not agree with you.
Be willing to compromise.
There is no one-size-fits-all way to organize and you and your partner may approach organizing in totally different ways.
• Create agreeable terms ~ Make agreements about how "organizing disputes" will be handled.
For example, if your partner is unwilling to part with a sports collection that is taking up valuable space in your closet, establish a set of terms about how to handle the clutter.
Perhaps the two of you can agree to put the collection in a box, tape it up, and write a future date on it.
If the future date comes and goes and the box hasn't been opened for any reason, then it's agreed that the boxed items are not needed and can be given away.
• Make it easy~ Create organizing systems that are easy to use.
If your partner or spouse tends to loose their keys all the time, leave a small bowl near the door where they come in so that they will have a place to drop the keys and always know where to find them.
It's more likely that they will use a system if it doesn't require too much effort.
• Explain, explain, explain ~ If you organize the kitchen pantry and want your partner or spouse to help you keep it organized, walk them through the newly organized space and explain what you did (such as adding baskets and labels) and where things belong now.
People aren't mind readers and can't be expected to know they are supposed to do something unless you explain it to them.
• Give them their own mess zone ~ Find one to two places in the house that your partner or spouse can feel free to leave messy and that you won't bug them about it being disorganized.
It may be a drawer, a closet, or an entire room.
By offering them this space, they will be probably be more inclined to help you keep the other parts of the house organized.
• Be patient ~ Change doesn't happen overnight; it takes time.
Sometimes it takes a lot of time.
Don't try to change everything all at once.
Start small and grow from there.
You can only change yourself Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were a magic wand you could wave to change the people around you? As much as you'd like to alter the habits or behaviors of others, the only person you can truly change is yourself.
If you want to organize the "messie" in your life, the best thing you can do is to lead by example and to take positive steps like the ones mentioned above.
Your spouse or partner may never be as organized as you are, but with time, they may learn to embrace an organized lifestyle without compromising being the person you fell in love with.