Short of doing something illegal, would you do anything to save your marriage? What if I told you that it doesn't have to be as difficult as many people make it seem? Just changing the way we communicate with our spouses can make a world of difference when it comes to fixing a marriage that has fallen into disrepair.
First of all, be reasonable with your expectations.
Your relationship didn't fall apart overnight, so why are you expecting an overnight miracle when it comes to fixing it? Try to focus on changing one habit at a time until that one thing becomes a habit for both of you.
Keep in mind that the standard time frame to change a habit is 20 days of consistent reinforcement from both of you.
If the habit you two are trying to change is a weekly one, this reinforcement is going to take even longer.
If you break the habit, don't beat yourself up and if your spouse breaks the habit, don't beat them up.
Second, do not nag.
This goes for both husbands and wives.
My husband is actually worse at nagging that I am, so women are not the only culprits here.
Nagging a person to do something only puts up their defense mechanisms which for most people is either fight or flight.
People that use the fight defense mechanism will pick back at you until the two of your are fighting over something as meaningless as who was on the cover of a TV Guide.
Others that naturally use the flight defense mechanism will tune you out and your message will not be heard anyways.
Try to find a time that both you and your spouse can talk with each other.
If you both have a habit of waking up and rushing around in the morning, then this is not a good time; equally right when the two of you arrive home from work is not a great time for this either.
Give each other some time to wind down from your day before bringing up problems that you'd like to discuss.
Third, try to bring up only one or two problems at a time.
If you sit down with your husband and you have a laundry list of things to discuss with him, I can guarantee you that he's going to tune you out.
Instead, take your list out that he doesn't know about, and find one thing that has really been bothering you lately.
Then, when you are talking through the problem make sure you get to the point about why it bothers you first, then tell him what has lead up to how you are feeling about it.
If you tell your whole story and then the problem, your husband will be thinking of a solution to the problem instead of listening to you.
You will be thinking that he is tuning you out and you can see where this situation can get ugly.
First of all, be reasonable with your expectations.
Your relationship didn't fall apart overnight, so why are you expecting an overnight miracle when it comes to fixing it? Try to focus on changing one habit at a time until that one thing becomes a habit for both of you.
Keep in mind that the standard time frame to change a habit is 20 days of consistent reinforcement from both of you.
If the habit you two are trying to change is a weekly one, this reinforcement is going to take even longer.
If you break the habit, don't beat yourself up and if your spouse breaks the habit, don't beat them up.
Second, do not nag.
This goes for both husbands and wives.
My husband is actually worse at nagging that I am, so women are not the only culprits here.
Nagging a person to do something only puts up their defense mechanisms which for most people is either fight or flight.
People that use the fight defense mechanism will pick back at you until the two of your are fighting over something as meaningless as who was on the cover of a TV Guide.
Others that naturally use the flight defense mechanism will tune you out and your message will not be heard anyways.
Try to find a time that both you and your spouse can talk with each other.
If you both have a habit of waking up and rushing around in the morning, then this is not a good time; equally right when the two of you arrive home from work is not a great time for this either.
Give each other some time to wind down from your day before bringing up problems that you'd like to discuss.
Third, try to bring up only one or two problems at a time.
If you sit down with your husband and you have a laundry list of things to discuss with him, I can guarantee you that he's going to tune you out.
Instead, take your list out that he doesn't know about, and find one thing that has really been bothering you lately.
Then, when you are talking through the problem make sure you get to the point about why it bothers you first, then tell him what has lead up to how you are feeling about it.
If you tell your whole story and then the problem, your husband will be thinking of a solution to the problem instead of listening to you.
You will be thinking that he is tuning you out and you can see where this situation can get ugly.