When people get married, sometimes before really getting to know each other, they seem to have unrealistic expectations and when their expectations don't meet the reality, one or both partners want to jump ship i.
e end the marriage and get a divorce and among Christians, the expectations can be even more prevalent asthey are more likely to think "we're both christian,we have similar values and it will all be smooth sailing" and then reality sets in.
Here are some things to consider if you find yourself in an unhappy marriage.
Acknowledge: Houston, we have a problem.
Conflict and disagreements will happen at some point in your marriage and its not a time to run for the tall grass and avoid dealing with it or even admitting there is a problem If you don't deal with your marriage problems as soon as possible, it could like a weeping sore, fester and grow.
Ephesians 4v26-27 Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give place to the devil.
Its not a sin to get angry for just cause;but if it reaches the point where you can't control yourself, it becomes sin.
Both spouses should not try to gain the upper hand,outdo or "win" the argument, by shouting or yelling louder than the other spouse,besides being immature, its counterproductive and only serves to increase the anger and contest mentality, which in a lot of cases does turn violent or do something stupid like throwing or breaking things that the other spouse values to get back at them.
A recent case of a woman who handcuffed herself to her husband in order to work out their marriage problems, illustrates this point as she went on to assault him as she got more and more angry.
Time Out Both spouses need to spend some time apart if you're having more and more heated arguments to cool off; in hindsight you might reflect on what happened and realize that the cause of the argument was over something so trivial and stupid.
Don't take too long as it can have the opposite effect and cause the dissolution of the marriage,something both of you need to avoid and really think long and hard before rash decision such as filing for divorce.
Conflicting Beliefs Causes The Most Marriage Problems: Did you marry an unbeliever even though the bible specifically prohibits it in 2Corinthians 6 v14 whose values contradict almost everything you believe in? or you just recently came to know the Lord and the things you used to like to do together like smoking pot or drinking beer until you became tipsy,no longer appeals to you; but they do to your spouse who says lighten up, you're no longer fun anymore.
The fact remains: this could be a nightmare as clashing values can put a big strain on any marriage, how you raise your kids and the values you want to instill in them, the different activities that you and your spouse engage in.
Doing things together is one of the best ways to strengthen a marriage and when you both like to do completely different things, that can be a really devastating "marriage killer" Should you divorce your spouse now that you know the Lord and your spouse doesn't? absolutely not.
Marriage is a sacred and lifelong commitment see 1Corinthians 7-10-20; but if you stand firm in your commitment to God and the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, then let them go.
Violence:"Look What You Made Me Do" Both spouses can be abusers and there is absolutely no justification to resorting to violence, if you threaten,perpetuate acts of violence on your spouse or if you feel threatened or have been threatened, the authorities may need to get involved and you may need to end the marriage.
Marriage is a sacred institution of which you can consider forgiving your spouse for if there's genuine remorse; but its not something to keep you as target practice or as an outlet for your spouse's frustrations or something to put your life in danger.
What about God? How is your relationship with God? Did you know that, how you relate to God or your lack of fellowship with God will directly affect your overall marriage and how you treat your spouse and children? God has to be at the cornerstone of your marriage, There is that saying that the family that prays together stays together, which is so true.
Do you really seek God,spend time in his word,pray together,have a forgiving heart? Do you have humility? God really does provide a moral compass,a guiding light on how couples should live.
2Corinthians 10v5Bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.
As you seek God and his guidance, he will direct your paths, you will notice yourself becoming more forgiving, more discerning,being able to put your self in your spouse's shoes and really care enough to avoid self serving prayer;but to fervently and consistently pray for your spouse's well being.
Third Party In keeping with seeking God, make friends with like minded believers,spend time in the word and saturate your mind with the word, Go to church as a couple and if you can't work out your marriage problems seek the ear of an objective third party that both of you can trust and believe is not taking sides like a christian counselor or pastor to mediate between you.
Money, Money, Money, Finances or the lack thereof, along with sex are some of the leading causes of divorce,it looks so much easier to call it quits, don't fall into that trap.
If your spouse has lost their job,the bills are piling up,the arguments and strife increases and despite the fact that your spouse is making valiant efforts in this tough job market and not getting anywhere, you should not be entertaining the thought of divorce, you need to be there for each other and help one another.
One woman who saw her husband pound the pavement looking for a job after recently getting a degree, took matters into her own hands and started a website in order to improve her husband's chances of getting a job,she's definitely a keeper.
she made a website and on the page she's carrying a sign saying "Hire my husband" with the backdrop of the Golden Gate Bridge that was just so sweet.
Sex: Are You Getting The Daily Recommended Amount? Are you or your spouse not having sex,too little sex or just having a lousy sex life? I was listening to Dr.
Laura, talking about how couples should not deprive each other of sex whenever they want it.
I don't know about that as there are times when its not the right time, however sex is very important to the overall health of a marriage and despite the hypersexed world in which we live, with casual sex galore, sex is not dirty, its not evil, its not something to be ashamed of and is not something to be bartered for, you do this and you'll get this or used for punishment or reward.
Both partners have a biblical obligation to have their sexual needs to be met within the parameters of marriage between a man and woman,committed to one another for life.
Are you having some really trying times in your marriage? Have more sex.
rediscover one another.
while sex by itself will not hold a marriage together, it should not be neglected as an essential part of marriage.
You hear about a mother bonding with their newborn child, by the same note,as you have frequent and mutually satisfying sex, it will create a closer bond between the two of you.
Sex was created by God, Don't let popular media coarsen your view of sex,stealing your joy and make you feel ashamed or guilty.
See 1 Corinthians 7v4-6.
If you have been traumatized sexually, prior to marriage, get professional help, it is difficult to deal with and it most definitely not your fault;but keeping it bottled up will not help you overcome what you've endured to become a better and stronger person on the other side, not to mention that your spouse, while they may be supportive at first, may eventually start to have "buyer's remorse" Lack of sex can sometimes, be a major cause of getting one's needs met elsewhere, it could start off with pornography, "harmless" flirting, a need to feel attractive and have it validated by others and eventually to having torrid extramarital affairs.
That is not, in any sense, justification for either spouse to have any sexual contact or flirt with anyone other than their spouse.
Bottom line: Both partners may need to compromise; but not say "I don't feel like it" for months on end and viciously call each other names like (frigid,cold fish,one minute mister,sex maniac or animal) if one wants sex and the other doesn't and selfishly expect there not to be any resentment.
Sex should be exciting,creative and fun not routine; but it also can't be something that happens only when you "feel" like having sex without considering how patient and how long your spouse has been in trying to accommodate your lack of desire.
e end the marriage and get a divorce and among Christians, the expectations can be even more prevalent asthey are more likely to think "we're both christian,we have similar values and it will all be smooth sailing" and then reality sets in.
Here are some things to consider if you find yourself in an unhappy marriage.
Acknowledge: Houston, we have a problem.
Conflict and disagreements will happen at some point in your marriage and its not a time to run for the tall grass and avoid dealing with it or even admitting there is a problem If you don't deal with your marriage problems as soon as possible, it could like a weeping sore, fester and grow.
Ephesians 4v26-27 Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger, nor give place to the devil.
Its not a sin to get angry for just cause;but if it reaches the point where you can't control yourself, it becomes sin.
Both spouses should not try to gain the upper hand,outdo or "win" the argument, by shouting or yelling louder than the other spouse,besides being immature, its counterproductive and only serves to increase the anger and contest mentality, which in a lot of cases does turn violent or do something stupid like throwing or breaking things that the other spouse values to get back at them.
A recent case of a woman who handcuffed herself to her husband in order to work out their marriage problems, illustrates this point as she went on to assault him as she got more and more angry.
Time Out Both spouses need to spend some time apart if you're having more and more heated arguments to cool off; in hindsight you might reflect on what happened and realize that the cause of the argument was over something so trivial and stupid.
Don't take too long as it can have the opposite effect and cause the dissolution of the marriage,something both of you need to avoid and really think long and hard before rash decision such as filing for divorce.
Conflicting Beliefs Causes The Most Marriage Problems: Did you marry an unbeliever even though the bible specifically prohibits it in 2Corinthians 6 v14 whose values contradict almost everything you believe in? or you just recently came to know the Lord and the things you used to like to do together like smoking pot or drinking beer until you became tipsy,no longer appeals to you; but they do to your spouse who says lighten up, you're no longer fun anymore.
The fact remains: this could be a nightmare as clashing values can put a big strain on any marriage, how you raise your kids and the values you want to instill in them, the different activities that you and your spouse engage in.
Doing things together is one of the best ways to strengthen a marriage and when you both like to do completely different things, that can be a really devastating "marriage killer" Should you divorce your spouse now that you know the Lord and your spouse doesn't? absolutely not.
Marriage is a sacred and lifelong commitment see 1Corinthians 7-10-20; but if you stand firm in your commitment to God and the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, then let them go.
Violence:"Look What You Made Me Do" Both spouses can be abusers and there is absolutely no justification to resorting to violence, if you threaten,perpetuate acts of violence on your spouse or if you feel threatened or have been threatened, the authorities may need to get involved and you may need to end the marriage.
Marriage is a sacred institution of which you can consider forgiving your spouse for if there's genuine remorse; but its not something to keep you as target practice or as an outlet for your spouse's frustrations or something to put your life in danger.
What about God? How is your relationship with God? Did you know that, how you relate to God or your lack of fellowship with God will directly affect your overall marriage and how you treat your spouse and children? God has to be at the cornerstone of your marriage, There is that saying that the family that prays together stays together, which is so true.
Do you really seek God,spend time in his word,pray together,have a forgiving heart? Do you have humility? God really does provide a moral compass,a guiding light on how couples should live.
2Corinthians 10v5Bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.
As you seek God and his guidance, he will direct your paths, you will notice yourself becoming more forgiving, more discerning,being able to put your self in your spouse's shoes and really care enough to avoid self serving prayer;but to fervently and consistently pray for your spouse's well being.
Third Party In keeping with seeking God, make friends with like minded believers,spend time in the word and saturate your mind with the word, Go to church as a couple and if you can't work out your marriage problems seek the ear of an objective third party that both of you can trust and believe is not taking sides like a christian counselor or pastor to mediate between you.
Money, Money, Money, Finances or the lack thereof, along with sex are some of the leading causes of divorce,it looks so much easier to call it quits, don't fall into that trap.
If your spouse has lost their job,the bills are piling up,the arguments and strife increases and despite the fact that your spouse is making valiant efforts in this tough job market and not getting anywhere, you should not be entertaining the thought of divorce, you need to be there for each other and help one another.
One woman who saw her husband pound the pavement looking for a job after recently getting a degree, took matters into her own hands and started a website in order to improve her husband's chances of getting a job,she's definitely a keeper.
she made a website and on the page she's carrying a sign saying "Hire my husband" with the backdrop of the Golden Gate Bridge that was just so sweet.
Sex: Are You Getting The Daily Recommended Amount? Are you or your spouse not having sex,too little sex or just having a lousy sex life? I was listening to Dr.
Laura, talking about how couples should not deprive each other of sex whenever they want it.
I don't know about that as there are times when its not the right time, however sex is very important to the overall health of a marriage and despite the hypersexed world in which we live, with casual sex galore, sex is not dirty, its not evil, its not something to be ashamed of and is not something to be bartered for, you do this and you'll get this or used for punishment or reward.
Both partners have a biblical obligation to have their sexual needs to be met within the parameters of marriage between a man and woman,committed to one another for life.
Are you having some really trying times in your marriage? Have more sex.
rediscover one another.
while sex by itself will not hold a marriage together, it should not be neglected as an essential part of marriage.
You hear about a mother bonding with their newborn child, by the same note,as you have frequent and mutually satisfying sex, it will create a closer bond between the two of you.
Sex was created by God, Don't let popular media coarsen your view of sex,stealing your joy and make you feel ashamed or guilty.
See 1 Corinthians 7v4-6.
If you have been traumatized sexually, prior to marriage, get professional help, it is difficult to deal with and it most definitely not your fault;but keeping it bottled up will not help you overcome what you've endured to become a better and stronger person on the other side, not to mention that your spouse, while they may be supportive at first, may eventually start to have "buyer's remorse" Lack of sex can sometimes, be a major cause of getting one's needs met elsewhere, it could start off with pornography, "harmless" flirting, a need to feel attractive and have it validated by others and eventually to having torrid extramarital affairs.
That is not, in any sense, justification for either spouse to have any sexual contact or flirt with anyone other than their spouse.
Bottom line: Both partners may need to compromise; but not say "I don't feel like it" for months on end and viciously call each other names like (frigid,cold fish,one minute mister,sex maniac or animal) if one wants sex and the other doesn't and selfishly expect there not to be any resentment.
Sex should be exciting,creative and fun not routine; but it also can't be something that happens only when you "feel" like having sex without considering how patient and how long your spouse has been in trying to accommodate your lack of desire.