An ultimatum (Latin: the last one) is a demand whose fulfillment is requested in a specified period of time and which is backed up by a threat to be followed through in case of noncompliance.
An ultimatum is generally the final demand in a series of requests.
As such, the time allotted is usually short, and the request is understood not to be open to further negotiation.
Definition provided by Wikipedia.
Ever given an ultimatum before..
..
How did it work out for you? The problem that I have observed with ultimatums is that most women make them in anger and then don't follow through with them.
Why should you not give a man an ultimatum when you are angry? First off when we are angry it is hard to think rationally.
Example: Let's say you are checking your Honey's Facebook page and you see some communication from an ex: An irrational angry woman might suggest that he delete his Facebook page and throw away his computer.
In our right mind, we can all agree that this request is a little overboard.
(If you don't agree, call us immediately so we can start to help you now) A more rational approach would be to have a heart to heart with your man and let him know in a calm and rational voice that communicating with his ex is hurtful to you.
There are some situations where an ultimatum may be needed.
If your guy has a drug problem this is a situation where an ultimatum may be necessary.
I wouldn't recommend giving an ultimatum for petty things like leaving the toilet seat up.
Here is a good example of a situation where an ultimatum was needed: Cindy and Raul have been in a relationship for over a year.
The relationship has started to become strained because of Raul's constant lack of attention towards her.
They live together and every weekend he spends his time with his friends instead of her.
Cindy is at the breaking point and has tried to discuss her feelings with Raul several times.
He says that he enjoys spending time with his friends and explains that the fact that they live together should be enough for her.
She argues that they don't spend enough time together since they have different work schedules.
Cindy decides that she has had enough.
She explains to Raul that if he does not begin to spend more time with her she is going to move out.
In order for Cindy's ultimatum to be successful there are several things that she needs to do.
Cindy needs to make her expectations very clear.
She needs to explain to Raul what amount of time she is expecting for him to spend with her.
She shouldn't assume that he should "just know".
Cindy could say something like: I am fine with you spending two weekends a month with your friends.
But we need two weekends a month that we can spend together.
Cindy also needs to set a time period for her demands to be met by.
She can say something like: I am hoping that we are going to start spending more time together by next month.
Cindy also needs to make clear what the consequence will be if her requests are not met.
Cindy can say something like: If your behavior doesn't change next month then I am going to move out and there will be no negotiating.
Once Cindy has made her request clear and stated the consequence she needs to wait for Raul's actions.
Hopefully he will honor her request and start spending more time with her.
If he decides not to honor her request, she needs to enforce the consequences as soon as possible.
Note to the wise you want to be very careful when giving any ultimatum because it may not work out as you hope.
Make sure that if you decided to give an ultimatum, that you are willing to accept the results, good or bad.
It is important that you stick to your guns if he doesn't meet your terms.
If you do not enforce the consequence, you will send the message that you are not to be taken seriously.
My hope is that your ultimatum will be successful!
An ultimatum is generally the final demand in a series of requests.
As such, the time allotted is usually short, and the request is understood not to be open to further negotiation.
Definition provided by Wikipedia.
Ever given an ultimatum before..
..
How did it work out for you? The problem that I have observed with ultimatums is that most women make them in anger and then don't follow through with them.
Why should you not give a man an ultimatum when you are angry? First off when we are angry it is hard to think rationally.
Example: Let's say you are checking your Honey's Facebook page and you see some communication from an ex: An irrational angry woman might suggest that he delete his Facebook page and throw away his computer.
In our right mind, we can all agree that this request is a little overboard.
(If you don't agree, call us immediately so we can start to help you now) A more rational approach would be to have a heart to heart with your man and let him know in a calm and rational voice that communicating with his ex is hurtful to you.
There are some situations where an ultimatum may be needed.
If your guy has a drug problem this is a situation where an ultimatum may be necessary.
I wouldn't recommend giving an ultimatum for petty things like leaving the toilet seat up.
Here is a good example of a situation where an ultimatum was needed: Cindy and Raul have been in a relationship for over a year.
The relationship has started to become strained because of Raul's constant lack of attention towards her.
They live together and every weekend he spends his time with his friends instead of her.
Cindy is at the breaking point and has tried to discuss her feelings with Raul several times.
He says that he enjoys spending time with his friends and explains that the fact that they live together should be enough for her.
She argues that they don't spend enough time together since they have different work schedules.
Cindy decides that she has had enough.
She explains to Raul that if he does not begin to spend more time with her she is going to move out.
In order for Cindy's ultimatum to be successful there are several things that she needs to do.
Cindy needs to make her expectations very clear.
She needs to explain to Raul what amount of time she is expecting for him to spend with her.
She shouldn't assume that he should "just know".
Cindy could say something like: I am fine with you spending two weekends a month with your friends.
But we need two weekends a month that we can spend together.
Cindy also needs to set a time period for her demands to be met by.
She can say something like: I am hoping that we are going to start spending more time together by next month.
Cindy also needs to make clear what the consequence will be if her requests are not met.
Cindy can say something like: If your behavior doesn't change next month then I am going to move out and there will be no negotiating.
Once Cindy has made her request clear and stated the consequence she needs to wait for Raul's actions.
Hopefully he will honor her request and start spending more time with her.
If he decides not to honor her request, she needs to enforce the consequences as soon as possible.
Note to the wise you want to be very careful when giving any ultimatum because it may not work out as you hope.
Make sure that if you decided to give an ultimatum, that you are willing to accept the results, good or bad.
It is important that you stick to your guns if he doesn't meet your terms.
If you do not enforce the consequence, you will send the message that you are not to be taken seriously.
My hope is that your ultimatum will be successful!