You are most probably thinking that this is a strange subject to be discussing when you are looking for advice on how to repair a troubled marriage BUT conflict is part of every relationship - it's how you figure out what each of you wants, what's non-negotiable and what you are willing to compromise on.
Fighting can be good for your relationship - but only if you're doing it RIGHT and fairly.
Here's how: 1.
Take Time Out After a very emotional upheaval, you cannot even think straight, let alone work on a problem - all you want to do is bash his 'head in'.
You need to have a cooling-off period before you can get down to a serious discussion, you need time to think things through.
Tell your partner you need to have a discussion and tell him what it's about so then he can also have time to prepare.
Make a time that is convenient to both of you.
2.
Take Turns to Speak and Listen Each person must have a chance to speak, which makes them feel as if they're being listened to.
If you adhere strictly to this, it will prevent either of you from having to raise your voice which generally happens when one of you feels that you are not being heard.
If you are the 'Speaker', here are some steps you have to follow: • Avoid blaming or attacking which will only make your partner defensive.
Avoid using the word 'you' • Don't complain about what has already hurt you - rather suggest changes that your partner can make • Do start your sentences with 'I'.
Remember that you are only expressing your opinion of a particular situation and is not necessarily a true reflection of what happened • Explain the positive feelings that you would experience as a consequence of them implementing the changes you have suggested.
If you are the 'Listener', here are the steps you have to follow: • Shut up and listen - let your partner finish - do not interrupt.
• Repeat or paraphrase what your partner says.
This will remove the need to react immediately and will allow you time to process what they are saying.
• Echo their content back to them - same reasons as the point above.
Fighting can be good for your relationship - but only if you're doing it RIGHT and fairly.
Here's how: 1.
Take Time Out After a very emotional upheaval, you cannot even think straight, let alone work on a problem - all you want to do is bash his 'head in'.
You need to have a cooling-off period before you can get down to a serious discussion, you need time to think things through.
Tell your partner you need to have a discussion and tell him what it's about so then he can also have time to prepare.
Make a time that is convenient to both of you.
2.
Take Turns to Speak and Listen Each person must have a chance to speak, which makes them feel as if they're being listened to.
If you adhere strictly to this, it will prevent either of you from having to raise your voice which generally happens when one of you feels that you are not being heard.
If you are the 'Speaker', here are some steps you have to follow: • Avoid blaming or attacking which will only make your partner defensive.
Avoid using the word 'you' • Don't complain about what has already hurt you - rather suggest changes that your partner can make • Do start your sentences with 'I'.
Remember that you are only expressing your opinion of a particular situation and is not necessarily a true reflection of what happened • Explain the positive feelings that you would experience as a consequence of them implementing the changes you have suggested.
If you are the 'Listener', here are the steps you have to follow: • Shut up and listen - let your partner finish - do not interrupt.
• Repeat or paraphrase what your partner says.
This will remove the need to react immediately and will allow you time to process what they are saying.
• Echo their content back to them - same reasons as the point above.