Breaking up isn't easy for anyone.
It's a flood of emotions and a time full of confusion and insecurity.
I know where you are at...
As a consequence, usually we can't think straight and act like we normally wouldn't.
We tend to get carried away by our emotions and reach out for whatever we think will make us win our ex back.
Often we do what seems intuitive at the time and acting on impulse, only to realize that our ex turns their back and pulls back even more.
These are the times we make some of our worst mistakes in relationships.
Here's a heads-up on some of the most common mistakes people make every day and some tips on what to do if you already made some of these or are about to...
Common Mistake 1.
) Acting desperate, clingy and in panic.
This has a very negative effect on your chances...
People reject neediness and they will not take you back, just because you beg.
Instead...
Eliminate contact with your ex straight after the breakup.
This is a very counterintuitive move, but an important one.
Here's where most people get it wrong, but it's understandable why...
We usually just want to take that person with our both hands and hold on to them with all our power, as if they are a possession we just have to cling on to.
But it doesn't work like that, we cannot force anyone to be with us.
The have to WANT to come back.
This is achieved by building (or re-igniting) attraction and desire.
At first you have to "agree" with the breakup in front of your ex and respect their decision (hint: they will respect you for that in return too).
About a month of no contact initiation on your part is recommended.
During that time you will allow your ex to miss you and you will be constantly on their mind.
This will also allow you to get the grip of your emotions and not act needy and desperate.
This is much more effective for salvaging your relationship than bombarding your ex with attention and calling or texting them every 5 minutes.
Let them miss you first.
Mistake 2.
) Not having a plan of how to best approach your ex and acting sporadically out of impulse...
During the time of no-contact you need to get behind the real reason for your breakup.
It may not always be what they tell you and what you might think at first...
But...
without knowing the real reason, there is nothing you can repair.
You might be surprised to know that there are some core reasons why men will leave a relationship and also some core reasons (but different ones) why women will leave a relationship and first you should check under which of those your ex falls and then add your specific circumstances.
(More on that subject below...
) Mistake 3.
) Taking up the bottle or drugs and locking yourself up in the house.
Some people think this is going to ease the pain and prove a shortcut to dealing with your breakup, but...
nothing could be further from the truth...
Why? Because you will have a chance with your ex only if they WANT to come back to you and feel the desire and attraction to do so...
Do you think your ex will feel strong desire and attraction if they realize you are finishing a bottle of wine before bed and hoping for some drugs to resolve your problems? Your ex will be much more impressed if you showed independence, that you are not letting yourself fall and that you are trying to make the best out of the circumstances.
Look after yourself during the time of no-contact and make it about "YOU"!
It's a flood of emotions and a time full of confusion and insecurity.
I know where you are at...
As a consequence, usually we can't think straight and act like we normally wouldn't.
We tend to get carried away by our emotions and reach out for whatever we think will make us win our ex back.
Often we do what seems intuitive at the time and acting on impulse, only to realize that our ex turns their back and pulls back even more.
These are the times we make some of our worst mistakes in relationships.
Here's a heads-up on some of the most common mistakes people make every day and some tips on what to do if you already made some of these or are about to...
Common Mistake 1.
) Acting desperate, clingy and in panic.
This has a very negative effect on your chances...
People reject neediness and they will not take you back, just because you beg.
Instead...
Eliminate contact with your ex straight after the breakup.
This is a very counterintuitive move, but an important one.
Here's where most people get it wrong, but it's understandable why...
We usually just want to take that person with our both hands and hold on to them with all our power, as if they are a possession we just have to cling on to.
But it doesn't work like that, we cannot force anyone to be with us.
The have to WANT to come back.
This is achieved by building (or re-igniting) attraction and desire.
At first you have to "agree" with the breakup in front of your ex and respect their decision (hint: they will respect you for that in return too).
About a month of no contact initiation on your part is recommended.
During that time you will allow your ex to miss you and you will be constantly on their mind.
This will also allow you to get the grip of your emotions and not act needy and desperate.
This is much more effective for salvaging your relationship than bombarding your ex with attention and calling or texting them every 5 minutes.
Let them miss you first.
Mistake 2.
) Not having a plan of how to best approach your ex and acting sporadically out of impulse...
During the time of no-contact you need to get behind the real reason for your breakup.
It may not always be what they tell you and what you might think at first...
But...
without knowing the real reason, there is nothing you can repair.
You might be surprised to know that there are some core reasons why men will leave a relationship and also some core reasons (but different ones) why women will leave a relationship and first you should check under which of those your ex falls and then add your specific circumstances.
(More on that subject below...
) Mistake 3.
) Taking up the bottle or drugs and locking yourself up in the house.
Some people think this is going to ease the pain and prove a shortcut to dealing with your breakup, but...
nothing could be further from the truth...
Why? Because you will have a chance with your ex only if they WANT to come back to you and feel the desire and attraction to do so...
Do you think your ex will feel strong desire and attraction if they realize you are finishing a bottle of wine before bed and hoping for some drugs to resolve your problems? Your ex will be much more impressed if you showed independence, that you are not letting yourself fall and that you are trying to make the best out of the circumstances.
Look after yourself during the time of no-contact and make it about "YOU"!