I Can Tell You Why Your Spouse is Still Set on Ending the Marriage
OK, that was a pretty bold statement to make, I know.
Every marriage is different in some fashion or another and no two breakups are exactly alike.
So why do I say that I can tell you why your spouse is still set on ending the marriage? There are some age old truths I'd like to share with you that seem to be present in nearly every troubled marriage.
More than likely, you will find some similarities that apply to yours as well.
First of all, why do two people get divorced? Well to answer that it might be easier to talk about why you got married in the first place.
The two of you created an environment together that you both enjoyed being in.
You enjoyed it so much that you didn't want it to end! So you united in marriage, obviously both believing it would last forever.
But then something happened.
Might have been a year later, might have been 20 years, it doesn't matter.
What happened was that environment was not properly nurtured and it changed.
Now your spouse finds him or herself in an environment he or she doesn't want to be in.
Now, as long as this remains true, no amount of coaxing begging or pleading, promises to change, gifts, phone calls etc are going to convince your partner to stay in the marriage.
And I'll share something else with you.
That is probably your biggest problem! Because, the more you push, the more they pull away.
The more desperate you appear the less attractive you look, and the more you remind them of why they want out of this environment! Instead, what if you were to completely change your response to the situation and lay back? Love your spouse enough to respect their desire to split up and gave them the space to do it.
Have I gone completely crazy? Strangely enough, this is more effective than you might realize! It very often has the effect of catching your partner by surprise and causing them to pause and reflect on the magnitude of their decision.
You are no longer reinforcing their negative perceptions of you and this is causing them to see you in a better light.
The person they were attracted to in the first place! Does this work every time? No.
But the odds of success with this approach are so much better than the tired old negative and desperate behaviors.
I strongly encourage you to begin using this approach right now.
But you need to be aware of something.
This will probably buy you some time but it willnot save your marriage by itself! For that you will need an action plan using proven techniques.
Every marriage is different in some fashion or another and no two breakups are exactly alike.
So why do I say that I can tell you why your spouse is still set on ending the marriage? There are some age old truths I'd like to share with you that seem to be present in nearly every troubled marriage.
More than likely, you will find some similarities that apply to yours as well.
First of all, why do two people get divorced? Well to answer that it might be easier to talk about why you got married in the first place.
The two of you created an environment together that you both enjoyed being in.
You enjoyed it so much that you didn't want it to end! So you united in marriage, obviously both believing it would last forever.
But then something happened.
Might have been a year later, might have been 20 years, it doesn't matter.
What happened was that environment was not properly nurtured and it changed.
Now your spouse finds him or herself in an environment he or she doesn't want to be in.
Now, as long as this remains true, no amount of coaxing begging or pleading, promises to change, gifts, phone calls etc are going to convince your partner to stay in the marriage.
And I'll share something else with you.
That is probably your biggest problem! Because, the more you push, the more they pull away.
The more desperate you appear the less attractive you look, and the more you remind them of why they want out of this environment! Instead, what if you were to completely change your response to the situation and lay back? Love your spouse enough to respect their desire to split up and gave them the space to do it.
Have I gone completely crazy? Strangely enough, this is more effective than you might realize! It very often has the effect of catching your partner by surprise and causing them to pause and reflect on the magnitude of their decision.
You are no longer reinforcing their negative perceptions of you and this is causing them to see you in a better light.
The person they were attracted to in the first place! Does this work every time? No.
But the odds of success with this approach are so much better than the tired old negative and desperate behaviors.
I strongly encourage you to begin using this approach right now.
But you need to be aware of something.
This will probably buy you some time but it willnot save your marriage by itself! For that you will need an action plan using proven techniques.