Marital problems are a fact of life, they come and go, sometimes more dramatic and sometimes resolved in the moment they start. The key is not to eliminate them, but to develop the ability to deal with them as they come and literally help save a marriage.

Ironically, once you adopt this attitude, your marriage starts seeing peace, simply because your focus as a couple is now long term, so what are a few problems in the bigger scheme of things?

What would empower you even more, is if both of you decided that divorce is not an option, and never to be considered, and no matter what happens in your lives, we will have to find a way to work it out. This will actually turn on your creativity in so many ways and force you out of the normal thinking habits to find creative alternatives to many of the issues that both of you face.

So, when both of you have agreed, either verbally or even non-verbally, to stick to your marriage and work out your issues, it will give you a sense of commitment and active involvement in the relationship instead of wanting to pull out or retreat whenever a dispute happens, this is a key factor in removing divorce from the menu.

Another misconception is that trial separations are a good idea, this is totally untrue, because marriage problems are really solved together, and considering trial separations, the risk is too high because each person is tempted to run away from the issue and by being distant, they are less motivated to get back in and deal with the issues in the marriage.

So what are a few tips you can do right now to ease the tension between you and your spouse and give you new hope?

1- Stop pressuring your spouse . Sometimes, when you put unrealistic pressure on your spouse or an ultimatum, they are inclined to go with the easier option, which is usually out of the marriage. This is unnecessary. Instead of putting pressure, see how you can ease the pressure, and be clear on what you would like to achieve as a couple.

2- Resist the urge to defend yourself. All this does is re-shift the focus in your spouse from working together on fixing the marriage to finding more things to blame you for. Sometimes the blame can be so hurting, and insulting, but it is coming from a deep rooted frustration, and unless that is emptied out, there can be no room for improvement. So, do you just sit down and cop it? No, try being a little empathetic and feel the pain your spouse has experienced, and for one second, dissociate from yourself and actually agree with your spouse. What? Agree? How can I! Well, you can argue all you want, but this is a proven method, it works all the time like a charm, simply agree. Say something in the lines of: You know what, it's hard for me to admit this, but I absolutely agree with you on this.

3- Serious talk has taken you nowhere, so quit it, and do small happy talk. The first thing that must be emphasized is: you have to be consistent, with a little bit of practice, you'll get right into the habit of it and every time you catch yourself getting serious, just relax. It will only start being affective when your spouse sees that this is becoming the new you, and that gives them hope and helps them relax too. Stick with the happy free small talk.

Remember that the current skills are what likely brought you to this current situation, and to reverse what you have right now requires the introduction of new skills, but wait! You are in for a surprise! As these skills become an integral part of you, not only will you reverse the symptoms, your life will have more pleasure and meaning, and the love that got you hooked first place, will come back even stronger!