Oh my God! Not again! The way she looked into your eyes you knew it! It's the "L" word coming at you like a runaway train.
You can see right through her and read her mind, to the point that you start planning your exit strategy.
She's going to say it - ready? "I LOVE you!!!" Aaargh! Now that she's chosen you, there is no way you would even want to try to make it work.
You start rebuilding the wall that you had so comfortably ignored since you didn't think she'd go for you for the "long run.
" She starts talking about opening her heart and you being "Mr.
Right!" This is way outside of your comfort zone - carefree dating - the casual sex and total freedom to come and go as you wish.
Besides, she's talking about how important you are to her life and that she can cherish you forever - yes, the "F" word: FOREVER! To top it off, there is talk of you having to meet the parents next week.
You know you like her.
You have feelings for her, but don't know what exactly they are yet.
It's too early to tell.
What's the rush any way? Why should you spoil the fun by making this so much bigger than it is and so soon? You look for the emergency brakes so that you can get off this train.
This baby is serious.
Does this scenario sound familiar? You and the person you're dating (can't call her a girlfriend yet) are on the same path, when suddenly one day you see your future go up in flames.
You have fear and panic on your face and it's not because the world is ending - it's "fear of commitment.
" Years ago this fear was mostly associated with men.
But these days, a large number of women suffer from the same syndrome and avoid a real relationship like the plague.
I believe this is one of the reasons why more and more women are getting married later than ever before.
There are, however, issues with this as well.
Women who wait longer - say in their late 30s or sometimes early 40s - to get married for the first time, have a great deal of history of relationships - increasing the chance of bad experiences.
As a result, the holes for the filter through which the next male love-interest in their lives must pass become smaller.
It is human nature and often subliminal for us to gauge everything that is happening to us against our past encounters.
If a woman has been hurt by a man she loved before, your task in the relationship is an uphill battle.
She is going to be gun-shy and you may end up paying the price for some other guy's mistreatment of your lady friend.
Yet, how many men have the patience or the interest to stick around for the drama and try to "sell" themselves to a woman whose past still haunts her? Some women may argue that their fear of commitment or slow emotional response is due to their independence.
Nowadays, a large number of women have their own careers, buy their own cars, own their own houses, furnish their homes to their own taste and have made their homes their sanctuaries.
The same way that men have traditionally been uncomfortable altering their lives to have a relationship or - gasp - say yes to marriage, women are reluctant to have to share their space with a man and at least partially give up their independence for a relationship.
This not only results into a larger number of single or unattached men and women, but directly impacts the length of an average relationship or a marriage in a negative way.
In addition, compared to even 30 years ago, more and more women are college educated and realize they have a great deal of legal rights protecting them if they should choose the divorce route.
Therefore, unless their religious beliefs prevent them, they no longer subscribe to the old-fashioned concept of staying with their husband through thick and thin.
As a result the inherent and old-fashioned notion of relationships and, specifically the highest form of social commitment - marriage - has forever changed.
This is so evident that the marriage vows may need to change from "...
'til death do us part" to "...
'til no longer convenient!" If you are going through a similar scenario with your Here are some things to consider discussing with her if you're willing to swallow your "male pride!" - if just to understand women better: Did she think there is no chemistry and she couldn't tell you? This is a tough one.
Your definition of "chemistry" may be miles away from hers.
Is there another person she's interested in? She could've been dating more than one person and is now at the point where she needs to make a decision.
She may be trying to be nice to you and let you down easy by saying that she's afraid of commitment.
Did you move to fast? Just like men, women may freak out if a man shows and discusses his emotions.
This may often be more so an issue with women who are past their late 30s.
Did you move to slow? If you've been too patient and waiting for her to give you a sign for you to take the relationship to the next level, then you may have made the relationship stale! Were you on different paths? You close your eyes and think about the relationship and see yourself on the same path as her and think everything is going fantastic.
She, on the other hand, got off the exit 2 miles ago.
You need to have subtle checkpoints to be sure of where you both are - even once you are married.
Was she testing you when she said she wants to break it off? Human nature, regardless of the gender, often gets in the way of open communications.
She may mean "white" when she says "black" or "yes" when she says "no.
" Here is the catch: If you think she's testing you and respond accordingly, you may be wrong and then create bigger problems.
What do you do then? I hate to tell you this, but you have your finger on the trigger and nobody can tell you what the right answer is.
Go with your gut feelings.
Did she expect you to put up a fight? Again, it is so hard to tell.
If you really like this person and want to make sure you've given it your all to keep her then let her know that.
On the other hand, if she's really done with you she'll let you know.
Then move on, even if that makes her think you didn't care enough.
Should you give her temporary space or make it permanent and move on? People make mistakes.
She could've thought she's over you.
What if she made the wrong decision? After distancing yourself from her, assuming things didn't get ugly between you two, casually check in with her and see how she's doing.
She'll give you a hook back into the relationship if there is an interest.
If not, again, move right on.
Are you too nice? Believe it or not some women enjoy being with a "nice guy" for a short period of time but are bored with him quickly.
This is not to say you should be mean or play games.
Just know your limits.
Better yet, try to find hers.
Did her friends or family not approve of you? This could be a serious deal breaker, and not the way you think.
It is true that if her friends or family don't like you it will impact her opinion of your future with her.
But rarely does a woman make a decision based on their reaction alone.
However, if commitment is in fact an issue for her you're in deep trouble if they DO like you.
The reason is that the confirmation coming from these folks will prove that you could be the right person for her and she may panic and press the "red button.
" You're walking a fine line between delaying this kind of a meeting and raising suspicion that you don't want to meet her friends and family for another reason.
Do you think she is honest and the real problem is her fear of commitment? People are quite complicated and it takes a special character to be honest, open and direct about their reasoning behind their deeds - specially when there is someone else's emotions are involved.
You can try to guess, yet you may be just as successful betting on horses.
The best you can do is to be open about your own thoughts and emotions, hoping that eventually she'll follow along and return the favor.
You can see right through her and read her mind, to the point that you start planning your exit strategy.
She's going to say it - ready? "I LOVE you!!!" Aaargh! Now that she's chosen you, there is no way you would even want to try to make it work.
You start rebuilding the wall that you had so comfortably ignored since you didn't think she'd go for you for the "long run.
" She starts talking about opening her heart and you being "Mr.
Right!" This is way outside of your comfort zone - carefree dating - the casual sex and total freedom to come and go as you wish.
Besides, she's talking about how important you are to her life and that she can cherish you forever - yes, the "F" word: FOREVER! To top it off, there is talk of you having to meet the parents next week.
You know you like her.
You have feelings for her, but don't know what exactly they are yet.
It's too early to tell.
What's the rush any way? Why should you spoil the fun by making this so much bigger than it is and so soon? You look for the emergency brakes so that you can get off this train.
This baby is serious.
Does this scenario sound familiar? You and the person you're dating (can't call her a girlfriend yet) are on the same path, when suddenly one day you see your future go up in flames.
You have fear and panic on your face and it's not because the world is ending - it's "fear of commitment.
" Years ago this fear was mostly associated with men.
But these days, a large number of women suffer from the same syndrome and avoid a real relationship like the plague.
I believe this is one of the reasons why more and more women are getting married later than ever before.
There are, however, issues with this as well.
Women who wait longer - say in their late 30s or sometimes early 40s - to get married for the first time, have a great deal of history of relationships - increasing the chance of bad experiences.
As a result, the holes for the filter through which the next male love-interest in their lives must pass become smaller.
It is human nature and often subliminal for us to gauge everything that is happening to us against our past encounters.
If a woman has been hurt by a man she loved before, your task in the relationship is an uphill battle.
She is going to be gun-shy and you may end up paying the price for some other guy's mistreatment of your lady friend.
Yet, how many men have the patience or the interest to stick around for the drama and try to "sell" themselves to a woman whose past still haunts her? Some women may argue that their fear of commitment or slow emotional response is due to their independence.
Nowadays, a large number of women have their own careers, buy their own cars, own their own houses, furnish their homes to their own taste and have made their homes their sanctuaries.
The same way that men have traditionally been uncomfortable altering their lives to have a relationship or - gasp - say yes to marriage, women are reluctant to have to share their space with a man and at least partially give up their independence for a relationship.
This not only results into a larger number of single or unattached men and women, but directly impacts the length of an average relationship or a marriage in a negative way.
In addition, compared to even 30 years ago, more and more women are college educated and realize they have a great deal of legal rights protecting them if they should choose the divorce route.
Therefore, unless their religious beliefs prevent them, they no longer subscribe to the old-fashioned concept of staying with their husband through thick and thin.
As a result the inherent and old-fashioned notion of relationships and, specifically the highest form of social commitment - marriage - has forever changed.
This is so evident that the marriage vows may need to change from "...
'til death do us part" to "...
'til no longer convenient!" If you are going through a similar scenario with your Here are some things to consider discussing with her if you're willing to swallow your "male pride!" - if just to understand women better: Did she think there is no chemistry and she couldn't tell you? This is a tough one.
Your definition of "chemistry" may be miles away from hers.
Is there another person she's interested in? She could've been dating more than one person and is now at the point where she needs to make a decision.
She may be trying to be nice to you and let you down easy by saying that she's afraid of commitment.
Did you move to fast? Just like men, women may freak out if a man shows and discusses his emotions.
This may often be more so an issue with women who are past their late 30s.
Did you move to slow? If you've been too patient and waiting for her to give you a sign for you to take the relationship to the next level, then you may have made the relationship stale! Were you on different paths? You close your eyes and think about the relationship and see yourself on the same path as her and think everything is going fantastic.
She, on the other hand, got off the exit 2 miles ago.
You need to have subtle checkpoints to be sure of where you both are - even once you are married.
Was she testing you when she said she wants to break it off? Human nature, regardless of the gender, often gets in the way of open communications.
She may mean "white" when she says "black" or "yes" when she says "no.
" Here is the catch: If you think she's testing you and respond accordingly, you may be wrong and then create bigger problems.
What do you do then? I hate to tell you this, but you have your finger on the trigger and nobody can tell you what the right answer is.
Go with your gut feelings.
Did she expect you to put up a fight? Again, it is so hard to tell.
If you really like this person and want to make sure you've given it your all to keep her then let her know that.
On the other hand, if she's really done with you she'll let you know.
Then move on, even if that makes her think you didn't care enough.
Should you give her temporary space or make it permanent and move on? People make mistakes.
She could've thought she's over you.
What if she made the wrong decision? After distancing yourself from her, assuming things didn't get ugly between you two, casually check in with her and see how she's doing.
She'll give you a hook back into the relationship if there is an interest.
If not, again, move right on.
Are you too nice? Believe it or not some women enjoy being with a "nice guy" for a short period of time but are bored with him quickly.
This is not to say you should be mean or play games.
Just know your limits.
Better yet, try to find hers.
Did her friends or family not approve of you? This could be a serious deal breaker, and not the way you think.
It is true that if her friends or family don't like you it will impact her opinion of your future with her.
But rarely does a woman make a decision based on their reaction alone.
However, if commitment is in fact an issue for her you're in deep trouble if they DO like you.
The reason is that the confirmation coming from these folks will prove that you could be the right person for her and she may panic and press the "red button.
" You're walking a fine line between delaying this kind of a meeting and raising suspicion that you don't want to meet her friends and family for another reason.
Do you think she is honest and the real problem is her fear of commitment? People are quite complicated and it takes a special character to be honest, open and direct about their reasoning behind their deeds - specially when there is someone else's emotions are involved.
You can try to guess, yet you may be just as successful betting on horses.
The best you can do is to be open about your own thoughts and emotions, hoping that eventually she'll follow along and return the favor.