We are all on a search for something.
At a surface level, we seem to be searching for different things: some search for new gadgets, money, success, whereas others search for a new lover or a relationship, or instant happiness in the form of cake.
These are all strategies that we have developed throughout life, game plans that promise instant gratification and urgent need fulfillment.
As we all know, they won't keep us happy for long.
As the brief dopamine high starts to wear off, we are left feeling emptier than before.
What we really desire is what we already are, but will never be able to access as long as we choose instant gratification over devotional practice, which would result in "unbounded love and effortless, abundant being," affirms leading relationship master David Deida.
The Masculine in us is searching for completion through the quest for freedom.
Freedom from burdens, freedom from drama, freedom from seemingly never-ending obligations.
It wants out.
Men go on fishing trips with their guy friends, zone out in front of the internet or enjoy the relief and emptiness that follows an ordinary peak-orgasm.
The Feminine in us searches for fulfillment through love.
The longing for love lies at the center of all feminine beings.
The desire to give and receive love is at the core of the feminine heart.
"Am I loved?" is her biggest concern.
Her joy and her suffering pivots around this one variable.
In our upbringing, we have been taught that you can either have love in a relationship without freedom, or freedom without love.
When people enter a so-called love-relationship, the first thing they do, consciously or unconsciously, is to negotiate boundaries on what is okay and what is not okay to do.
In most cases, love becomes a prison faster than you can say the word.
The lack of personal freedom results in stagnation and eventually slow death of love.
So how can we unite these two seemingly opposing forces in an intimate relationship? The great master Osho describes the relationship between love and freedom as so: "Love is a basic need, as basic as freedom, so both have to be fulfilled.
And a person who is full of love and free is the most beautiful phenomenon in the world.
And when two persons of such beauty meet, their relationship is not a relationship at all.
It is a relating.
It is a constant, riverlike flow.
It is continuously growing towards greater heights.
If love cannot give freedom, then it is not love.
" I can do nothing but agree.
In my own experience, love and freedom go hand in hand.
In fact, they are two parts of the same coin.
If I feel love in myself, independent of the relationship, I can easily allow for freedom within the relationship.
The more freedom I grant my man, the more love he extends in return.
In unconscious relationships, this factor can often become a tool to oppress and manipulate the other.
The woman tries to control her man from her fears and thus tries to cut his freedom.
He will sense this and feel utterly constrained.
He will want out, and he will do anything to fight for his freedom-from staying away late at work to having a secret mistress.
All along, he will start resenting his woman and holding back his love from her.
This is her biggest pain.
She will become sad and feel so unloved and distrusting that she will continue to cut his freedom by being even more controlling.
The key to mastering love and freedom I believe is trust and faith.
Faith that we will be held if we dare to let go into the unknown, and trust that love is always available, here and now-with or without a man.
Realizing that we are love, and that we can practice to give and be love is the key to freedom for the feminine.
From that place of inner certainty, she will be able to feel save and relax more.
Then she will be able to expand into greater freedom within herself and with her man.
There are no limits to how deep you can grow into love and freedom.
Contrary to popular belief, I experience more love and deep heart connection with my man the more I set him free.
Whenever he comes home from an adventure, he is so extremely loving and open to me that I can't help but want to love and set him free even more, because I see how happy it makes him and how it grows his love and attraction to me.
Gradually we build trust by de-conditioning from the belief that total freedom would mean the end of love.
The opposite is true.
Love grows freedom, and freedom grows love.
With that being said, I suggest that you go within and together with your partner define your own boundaries and which steps you want to take to allow more love, trust and freedom into your relationship.
Opening up to total freedom over night can be very detrimental to the relationship, so take baby steps.
The more you check in with each other, and the more team feeling you will build together, and the more trust and relaxation you will develop, which is important for growing together.
Maybe so far you could not even grant your man a night out with his guy friends.
Then you start from there and see how things change.
Check in with each other, what are your needs and priorities when it comes to love and personal freedom? Where are you at right now, and how far do you want to go? What does freedom mean to you, individually? Each couple's ideas on that are unique, so I encourage you to find your own answers.
At a surface level, we seem to be searching for different things: some search for new gadgets, money, success, whereas others search for a new lover or a relationship, or instant happiness in the form of cake.
These are all strategies that we have developed throughout life, game plans that promise instant gratification and urgent need fulfillment.
As we all know, they won't keep us happy for long.
As the brief dopamine high starts to wear off, we are left feeling emptier than before.
What we really desire is what we already are, but will never be able to access as long as we choose instant gratification over devotional practice, which would result in "unbounded love and effortless, abundant being," affirms leading relationship master David Deida.
The Masculine in us is searching for completion through the quest for freedom.
Freedom from burdens, freedom from drama, freedom from seemingly never-ending obligations.
It wants out.
Men go on fishing trips with their guy friends, zone out in front of the internet or enjoy the relief and emptiness that follows an ordinary peak-orgasm.
The Feminine in us searches for fulfillment through love.
The longing for love lies at the center of all feminine beings.
The desire to give and receive love is at the core of the feminine heart.
"Am I loved?" is her biggest concern.
Her joy and her suffering pivots around this one variable.
In our upbringing, we have been taught that you can either have love in a relationship without freedom, or freedom without love.
When people enter a so-called love-relationship, the first thing they do, consciously or unconsciously, is to negotiate boundaries on what is okay and what is not okay to do.
In most cases, love becomes a prison faster than you can say the word.
The lack of personal freedom results in stagnation and eventually slow death of love.
So how can we unite these two seemingly opposing forces in an intimate relationship? The great master Osho describes the relationship between love and freedom as so: "Love is a basic need, as basic as freedom, so both have to be fulfilled.
And a person who is full of love and free is the most beautiful phenomenon in the world.
And when two persons of such beauty meet, their relationship is not a relationship at all.
It is a relating.
It is a constant, riverlike flow.
It is continuously growing towards greater heights.
If love cannot give freedom, then it is not love.
" I can do nothing but agree.
In my own experience, love and freedom go hand in hand.
In fact, they are two parts of the same coin.
If I feel love in myself, independent of the relationship, I can easily allow for freedom within the relationship.
The more freedom I grant my man, the more love he extends in return.
In unconscious relationships, this factor can often become a tool to oppress and manipulate the other.
The woman tries to control her man from her fears and thus tries to cut his freedom.
He will sense this and feel utterly constrained.
He will want out, and he will do anything to fight for his freedom-from staying away late at work to having a secret mistress.
All along, he will start resenting his woman and holding back his love from her.
This is her biggest pain.
She will become sad and feel so unloved and distrusting that she will continue to cut his freedom by being even more controlling.
The key to mastering love and freedom I believe is trust and faith.
Faith that we will be held if we dare to let go into the unknown, and trust that love is always available, here and now-with or without a man.
Realizing that we are love, and that we can practice to give and be love is the key to freedom for the feminine.
From that place of inner certainty, she will be able to feel save and relax more.
Then she will be able to expand into greater freedom within herself and with her man.
There are no limits to how deep you can grow into love and freedom.
Contrary to popular belief, I experience more love and deep heart connection with my man the more I set him free.
Whenever he comes home from an adventure, he is so extremely loving and open to me that I can't help but want to love and set him free even more, because I see how happy it makes him and how it grows his love and attraction to me.
Gradually we build trust by de-conditioning from the belief that total freedom would mean the end of love.
The opposite is true.
Love grows freedom, and freedom grows love.
With that being said, I suggest that you go within and together with your partner define your own boundaries and which steps you want to take to allow more love, trust and freedom into your relationship.
Opening up to total freedom over night can be very detrimental to the relationship, so take baby steps.
The more you check in with each other, and the more team feeling you will build together, and the more trust and relaxation you will develop, which is important for growing together.
Maybe so far you could not even grant your man a night out with his guy friends.
Then you start from there and see how things change.
Check in with each other, what are your needs and priorities when it comes to love and personal freedom? Where are you at right now, and how far do you want to go? What does freedom mean to you, individually? Each couple's ideas on that are unique, so I encourage you to find your own answers.