When a relationship ends it feels like your world has ended.
All you have lived for in the years you were in the relationship have seemed a waste.
What did I do wrong? How come this is happening now? These are just two questions people ask when one partner says to the other, "It's over, I just can't live with you anymore.
" This time in a persons' life creates a crisis of meaning.
You don't know who you are any more.
The definition of your world was created in the context to the relationship.
Many men and women give themselves so fully to the relationship that they have lost their sense of identity.
Those of us in the boomer generation were told get married, have a family and work hard.
We gave all we had to the family and the idea of family as we learned it from our parents.
Divorce just was not on the table back in those years.
Now divorce is so common we think people in long term relationships "have it made.
" One of the factors in regaining a sense of who you are after a relationship breakup is resiliency.
Resiliency is defined as an individual's overall ability and disposition to positively adjust in the face of major adversity.
The losses are significant when a partnership that has lasted any length of time comes to an end.
The person who has been left feels powerless in the face of a situation they did not see coming.
The future looks uncertain, the loss of identity, and the loss of a family are just a few of the losses faced in this situation.
Resilience becomes a key factor in moving through the ending to a new life in which there will be self confidence, self esteem and a sense of purpose.
These aspects are critical in order to prepare for the next relationship and have it be successful.
We have learned over the years that whatever is left unhealed in a past relationship will show up in the new one.
The intention must be made to re-define who you are, create a new structure for your life and bring meaning back into your life in ways which previously may have never been considered.
Resilience can be learned.
As you go through this deeply difficult process there will be anger, sadness and regret.
As one moves to forgiveness, first for themselves, they can learn that by taking a specific journey through the grieving cycle that a new life will be born.
The gift of the relationship break up is the possibility to experience a new dimension of life.
This can take many forms which will show up as you intentionally go about re-creating your life with an excitement for the journey of discovery as opposed to the despair of the relationship ending.
All you have lived for in the years you were in the relationship have seemed a waste.
What did I do wrong? How come this is happening now? These are just two questions people ask when one partner says to the other, "It's over, I just can't live with you anymore.
" This time in a persons' life creates a crisis of meaning.
You don't know who you are any more.
The definition of your world was created in the context to the relationship.
Many men and women give themselves so fully to the relationship that they have lost their sense of identity.
Those of us in the boomer generation were told get married, have a family and work hard.
We gave all we had to the family and the idea of family as we learned it from our parents.
Divorce just was not on the table back in those years.
Now divorce is so common we think people in long term relationships "have it made.
" One of the factors in regaining a sense of who you are after a relationship breakup is resiliency.
Resiliency is defined as an individual's overall ability and disposition to positively adjust in the face of major adversity.
The losses are significant when a partnership that has lasted any length of time comes to an end.
The person who has been left feels powerless in the face of a situation they did not see coming.
The future looks uncertain, the loss of identity, and the loss of a family are just a few of the losses faced in this situation.
Resilience becomes a key factor in moving through the ending to a new life in which there will be self confidence, self esteem and a sense of purpose.
These aspects are critical in order to prepare for the next relationship and have it be successful.
We have learned over the years that whatever is left unhealed in a past relationship will show up in the new one.
The intention must be made to re-define who you are, create a new structure for your life and bring meaning back into your life in ways which previously may have never been considered.
Resilience can be learned.
As you go through this deeply difficult process there will be anger, sadness and regret.
As one moves to forgiveness, first for themselves, they can learn that by taking a specific journey through the grieving cycle that a new life will be born.
The gift of the relationship break up is the possibility to experience a new dimension of life.
This can take many forms which will show up as you intentionally go about re-creating your life with an excitement for the journey of discovery as opposed to the despair of the relationship ending.