It's a balmy night in Barcelona, Spain.Why? For two reasons:
A weary backpacker is looking for a bench to rest on.
She has traveled across Europe, but on this night she is feeling footsore and alone.
Home, where her heart is, seems very far away.
But she is suddenly assailed by a wave of frustration...
- She cannot find a vacant bench anywhere in the city; and
- Every bench is taken by a couple locked in a PDA.
The Wonders of the PDA The PDA is not the Personal Digital Assistant, tucked away in your pocket like a permanent and adoring friend.
The PDA of my generation is a Public Display of Affection.
Long before people stroked their Blackberry, they were engaged in a far more personal connection.
The Public Display of Affection, mocked by school-children and avoided by commitment-phobes, is described by Wikipedia as "the physical demonstration of affection for another person while in the view of others.
" To my way of thinking, the PDA - assuming it is neither indecent nor sexually harassing -- is a way of spreading the love But like the acid wash jeans and blue-light discos of my youth, PDAs seem to have somehow become unnecessary.
Bring Back the PDA In recent years the PDA seems to have morphed into something darker.
Affection has been suppressed and now people cling to each other in public not to share the love, but in Public Displays of Aggression.
Other people seem to view the PDA with horror, the approaching hand or proffered lips seen as a sort of Proximity Danger Alert.
They duck and weave and glare at their loved ones, or avoid the issue altogether by wearing face-enveloping sunglasses and by carrying small dogs and over-sided carry bags.
The Fall of the Flirt The passing of the PDA has also seen the fall of the flirt.
Princeton University has once again disturbed me with its definitions.
The definition of "flirt", it tells me, is:
- a seductive woman who uses her sex appeal to exploit men
- to talk or behave amorously, without serious intentions
- playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest
- to behave carelessly or indifferently
I'm not talking about librarians exchanging lingering looks over dusty books, but about the spark, the scintillation, as familiar as it is provocative.
Ever been stuck in an elevator with an attractive man?Then you know what I am talking about! Give Me Some Skin Stranger sex -- and online love -- may have killed both the flirt and the PDA.
It was easier, the young girl told me, to keep everything at arm's length.
Preferring her lover's profile to him in person, she turned to a statue when they actually met.
This social disconnection seems to be only accentuated by the belief that love, and the physical evidence of this emotion, is something that can be done with anyone, anytime.
Casual sex -- a form of disconnected, distant affection -- is something discussed on mobile phones on packed buses, but holding hands is frowned upon.
It seems to me that what we are missing, and yet what millions seem to be pursuing through online dating services, is the personal touch.
Reach Out and Touch Someone Juan Mann, a fellow Australia, kicked off this social phenomenon when he felt like "a tourist in my hometown.
" While I prefer my affection to come from those I know and love, I'm not about to begrudge a man who stands in a public mall and begs for personal human contact.
And if you were in touch with your average Australian male, you would appreciate exactly how far out Juan was putting himself by pursuing this course of action.
People Demand Action Who have you touched today? Forget the smiley faces dotted on your emails.
Who have you physically reached out and touched? I often work from home.
The old banter of the office -- the arm punches, the shoulder pats, the slapping on the back after one too many drinks at the Sundowner (clearly I was in a male-dominated industry) -- are a thing of a past.
So I am challenging myself to find other ways to physically connect with people.
Since commencing on this mission I have hugged my estranged aunt, held hands with my husband right across the city, kissed more cheeks than a French model and driven my cats almost into therapy...
but I'm a lot happier!The message is simple: Let's Practice Daily Affection...
and see if we can get a little more happiness into the world.